So today is May 4, 2007. It will forever be known as the day that Spider-Man 3 premiered to the masses. I will be honest, I have not had the chance to see Spider-Man 3 yet and probably will not for awhile. The movie is already sold out through Sunday afternoon at all the theaters I frequent and a lot more that I don’t. I have thus far heard some mixed reviews of it, from people who have seen it either at the Tribeca Film Festival Premiere or claim to have seen it at a sneak preview. I will reserve my judgment for it once I see it.
I do however want to point out that ever since the teaser poster (pictured here) came out last year… I don’t think there has been as much buzz or anticipation for a movie since Star Wars: Episode I. As we all know, Episode I was a complete bomb. I truly hope that Spider-Man 3 does not fall prey to the same issue. I tend to doubt it for one reason and one reason only… Spider-Man 3 has Venom. I’m pretty psyched about the whole thing. Of course, before it even hits theaters, there is talk of a Spider-Man 4. I hate when they do that. Let’s wait and see how this one does before we get all happy happy joy joy about the possibility of another one… lest we be cursed like the tragedy known as X-Men 3.
On to a completely different topic, this blog’s feeds. I’ve been trying to figure out why my RSS feed is a junky squashed mess. For whatever reason, it just wouldn’t turn out a post with links, images, or formatting of any kind. Believe me when I tell you that was not my intention. I understand the importance of feed readers. That’s really what I use as well to read blogs. It was not some trick to make you click through because now I’m all blog sexy and stuff.
So as it turns out… its only the RSS feed that is junky… but the Atom feed is totally fine. So what I did was redirect my FeedBurner feed over to the Atom feed. It seems to have worked for me, so if anyone notices the difference then let me know. If you don’t notice a difference, then you probably need to change your subscription which you can do simply by hitting the orange feed button or click here if your lazy. If you still don’t notice a difference… then please let me know that as well.
One of the reasons I like Feedburner is because they let you add on some cool things on the bottom of the feed. So as you can tell from the sidebar, I now have a Twitter Account. Well there is this beta site called Twit This! which basically joins with Tinyurl and allows you to “twit” the URL of a post. I think it’s really pretty cool. So I added that to the feed too. I don’t really expect anyone to “twit” me… or any of those other things… I just think its cool.
Finally, the last thing I did was add an e-mail subscription service. I don’t really know why I did that… maybe for those who have no idea how to use an RSS Reader… but its there. Its all for you. I live to serve.
Finally, a few of you may remember the ghastly horror that occurred a few months ago with The Nick‘s hair. Now I have made it no secret that I think the person behind it was her Cracker boyfriend. Who else would bankroll such an atrocity? It had to be him… to try and force other guys to look the other way. I also think he’s insecure about their relationship. Granted… with her history… yeah, I can understand it… but to have her get that dastardly looking thing was over the top!
So imagine what happened when she walked in Wednesday night and looked like this…
FINALLY!!! Thankfully all of my lectures, all of my hints, and all of my hypnosis attempts worked! Her hair is back to normal!
I really am glad that there finally is no longer a Predator Squirrel woven onto her head. Of course… this makes me wonder exactly what happened. Is it that the Cracker couldn’t afford to bankroll a new squirrel? Is it that she realized that it really was hideous? Has the Cracker perhaps lost his grip over The Nick‘s mind… and therefore foreshadowing his departure from her life? Well, only time will tell. The most important thing is that she looks normal again.
Finally… all is right with the world. Well… at least as right as its gonna get until tomorrow.Close it Up
So… I guess you don’t believe me, huh? I guess I don’t inspire trust in people anymore… oh well. So I have a few random things I’m about to ramble on about because… well… what I ORIGINALLY intended for today will be used for Sunday. Then I thought, oh, I can just post my reverse engineering post… but guess what? Yeah… it’s a fucking novella unto itself and really needs to be edited down and I need to do some graphics. So you get some drama today.
So the whole Christine under non-speaking terms continues… sort of. Last night I got home and I found a card from her. Basically it said how she wishes I’d move on (which I did… in fact… I got MARRIED), and that by constantly instigating her idiot husband I’m only making it harder to be friends (oh hello… at LEAST half the time he instigates me!), and how she really misses me and blah blah blah. Sounds like a bittersweet card, right? Well… inside were 4 tickets for the Bamboozle Festival in May with Linkin’ Park headlining! Yeah. She me.
I saw The Steff on Wednesday. We ended up at a diner with a bunch of people from The Hills. She ended up dropping her class this semester for work… which I can’t say I’m surprised because she’s been working 3 jobs. In fact, I really haven’t seen her much… and realized just how much I miss hanging out with her. But I suck there too… because I haven’t called her either so I’ve been a sucky friend. I’m a little upset that she dropped that class… I really want her to finish school, even though now she’s thinking of changing majors. I just don’t want her to have to be dependent on some schmuck like Christine… not that The Donkey is a schmuck… but SHE is the one working 3 jobs. Ya know what I mean?
Finally, The Nick‘s sister had the baby. Did I mention she was preggo? Did I mention I might be the father? It weighed something like 9 lbs… the funny thing is her sister MAYBE weighs 90 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of quarters. But hey… the baby is healthy… and in the end that is all that really matters, right? The other important thing… is that I am 99.9% sure I am not the baby daddy. Besides the obvious fact that I never engaged with her in sexual intercourse… you just may never know. However… I think I am safe enough to go see Maury if need be. I do however think my chances of walking away unscathed from the whole Anna Nicole paternity test is greatly reduced since it seems EVERYONE who NEVER slept with her MAY BE the baby daddy.
Oh, and I just want it known that Blogger Beta is shit. Really. I know I’m finally off Blogger but I’ve been wortking on something that just makes me curse its existence. Truly.
categories: Personal Drama Christine The Nick The Steff
So… guess who has ‘net back @ home? Yup… I do! Of course… all they did was swap the cable modem. It would have been easier had they just sent one by mail… but whatever. The fact is I’m back up and running like a junkie in need of a fix.
NetFlix also sent me the receipt e-mails for my videos, and my new ones are supposedly on the way. What’s even funnier is that they sent me an e-mail about improving service and what not… and asked me when I mailed the videos back. So maybe FOADing on the ‘Net is better than I thought. Maybe some lackey of NetFlix read it… and maybe… just maybe they will make sure it never happens again. Of course it could just be chance… or karma.
As for some drama… because while I don’t necessarily mention it… I know that is one of the reasons you come here… I am after all The King of All Drama… well this week’s is brought to you by The Nick. So I get a text message from her yesterday saying that she woke up and has a horrible cramp in her neck. So therefore she can’t work. I text back quite literally, ”R u kidding?” to which I didn’t get a reply.
Now last night when she came in she claimed it was something she gets, and it is muscular, and blah blah blah. The thing is, I know the truth. I know that the Cracker she’s going out with probably had her contorted into a bunch of weird positions from the Kama Sutra. Yep. That’s what it was. It was probably ”The Waterfall” that you see here. Yep. I think that’s the one. It’s drama I tell you… total drama.
During a recent e-mail conversation I was asked if my mom reads my blog. The answer is no. She does know about Cereal Wednesday… because I had to kind of explain the big bowl that ended up in her dishwasher and all the boxes of half-eaten cereal I was giving her. Of course… just in case she comes out of the dark ages… well I’m sticking the Sex Meme I’m stealing from Avitable below the fold… you know… just in case…
The Sex MeMe!!!
1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007?
Does my right hand count? No huh. Then no. My last lay would have been… mmmm… I think a year ago. Damn. I’m pathetic.
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
I’m pretty sure since it was a PUBLIC park that it was in public… so yeah.
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
Yeah… it was because of a joke I had heard that sounded a helluva lot funnier with the two bottles of wine I had consumed.
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
Once. Never again.
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
“C” is for Cuddle… and that’s the best thing for me. Yeah… I’m a total cuddle monster.
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Yep. Actually only one person… because I really did not want to have sex with them.
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yep. Well at least I tried… with the same person I regretted it with.
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
A mixture of both. I prefer to have my tongue lapping rather than yapping though.
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
I’m a dad. ‘Nuff said.
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDâ€™S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Does it count if I was the friend of the significant other before they became the significant other of my friend? If not, then no. If it does, then all too often.
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Yep… and I regretted it.
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME?
Once. Well… okay more like twice… but I only liked it once.
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
It’s been on but I never watched it… I was too busy lapping.
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Yep… but oddly enough… not on my own… and it was only because of the dirty talking.
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?
Quite a few times to be honest. Then they created Magnums… and all was right in the water balloon war world.
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
The worst was with a girlfriend from a long time ago. She lived in Staten Island so we would park in the parking lots off the beach. These cars would drive around us with their parking lights on… find a corner… and then do whatever it was they were going to do while we did what we were doing. So to be exact she was going down on my while I was working the magic fingers when the Park Police shined a light in on us. That was pretty embarrassing. What was more embarrassing was that the guy was shocked that he had just shined a light on a guy and a girl. We apparently were in the “gay” parking area. He just let us go because at least we were “keeping with nature and all”. Right. Fucking inbred talking about “keeping with nature and all”. Anyone see the irony there?
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
14. I was young and stupid. That’s why I only lasted 30 seconds.
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
A female. Yeah I know… I’m picky. Although to be honest… if I had to pick an actual person… well it would be that girlfriend from Staten Island. She was a sweetheart… I was just too dumb to realize it. Have I mentioned how stupid men are lately?
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE?
Oh yeah, sure. Oh and look… there’s a monkey… flying out of my butt!!! Yeah… NetFlix has left me watching Wayne’s World… can you tell?
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
That’s a joke right? I mean… c’mon… I am a guy contrary to my cuddle tendencies. Guys are ALWAYS horny. Hell… even when I wasn’t, “in the mood” I was put into that “mood” damn quick with a little ear nibble. If I was 50… it would be a different story I’m sure… but that’s what Viagra is for. Any guy who does not want to fuck 24/7 is either a)
gay in the closet sexually b) spoiled or c) inbred.
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Damn. Sadly… less than a dozen.
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
I used to all the time. Not lately though… I like to stretch out… and I’m a big guy.
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO?
Nope. I do know where she is though. She married my cousin’s lover’s brother. Go figure.
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDâ€™S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Nope… but they have with mine. So where’s the justice in that?
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Yeah. I don’t call her that though. I call her my ex.
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
Depends on the mood. They can definitely be good… but I’m not about them every night. Once you have sex with them more than without them… well your just sealing your own death warrant.
I love it. I know most women are like, “What’s the point when I’m out of it in like 2 seconds?” but my answer to that is your obviously not getting the right lingerie or your significant other does not know what they are doing. Thigh-highs . Lacy bras . Babydoll nighties . Sexy teddies . Boots . High heels . Did I mention thigh-highs?
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
Yeah. I also married her. I also now call her my ex. Go figure.
29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
(x)dining room/kitchen table
(x)woods (open and/or in a tent)
(x)hood of a car
(x)the other personâ€™s bed
(x)in a house with parents home
(x)at a party
(x)on top of the washer/dryer
( )with other people in the room
( )grandparentâ€™s house (Man, kill me NOW, seriously, Iâ€™m going to hellâ€¦ no, wait, in that case, donâ€™t kill me NOWâ€¦)
( )bookstore stock room.
( )linen closet
So that is The Sex MeMe.
Wanna know what’s sad? Because I’m a guy… it’s like “whatever"… but if I were a girl… I’d probably be considered a slut. Shit ain’t right. I wanna be a slut dammit… or a Dirty Whore!
Hi mom!Close it Up
categories: It's All About Me Personal Drama The Nick
So I know I’ve pretty much veered away from the drama that I am normally associated with, and for a few reasons. However, after the occurrences of this past week, well I can veer no more. Why? Maybe it’s because it is something I need to put out there. Maybe it’s because it is something that needs to be said. Maybe it’s because I know you all like a good train wreck the same as I do… and trust me… this train has wrecked.
So this week’s bit of drama is brought to you by The Nick. So The Nick is still going out with the same Cracker she was when last we spoke of her. She was the girl with the whole commitment phobia thing going on, but has seemed to overcome it with this relationship in particular. So hey… that’s all well and good. She’s a pretty girl, she has a good heart, and she deserves to be happy right? I don’t begrudge her this happiness in anyway shape or form. There are a few things though… that I do require.
I require there to be minimal verbal “muahs” and other indicative phone conversations in my presence. I require that my phone calls be answered whether in the foreplay, mid-passionate thrust, or orgasmic after glow stages of sexual relations. I require that he not break her heart… lest I will break his legs. Above all other things, I require honesty… and I require him to be honest with her whether or not his honesty will get him laid that night or not. Really, I’m not to demanding on the relationships of my friends.
Monday I called her to ask if she wanted to come into work to cover for someone who had banged out at the last minute due to a fat lip (long story… but I swear… it was quite bloated and puffy). She sort of brushed me off. So I thought she was doing the hunky-dunky with the Cracker. I was slightly pissed because, well, I need to come first even if she is in a rolling wave of orgasmic bliss. Eventually we texted each other, and she said she’d come in. So on Monday… imagine my shock when she came to work and I saw that this had happened… (WARNING! IT MAY SHOCK YOU!)
… well you can imagine what went through my head. Yes… she did THAT to her hair. My raven haired beauty had no doubt fallen under this hypnotic spell of this Cracker who forced her to make her hair… well… blonde. Now granted, my reaction to it when I first saw it (I screamed and then hid under the desk) was not as… supportive… as perhaps it should have been. Perhaps when asked what I thought about it I should have chosen better wording than, “I think it’s hideous.” Perhaps I should not have threatened her that I would not be going to Dee‘s with her looking like that.
Perhaps I should not have compared the look to being equal to a Predator Squirrel body being wove into the top of her head. Perhaps I should not have reminded her of my “non-blonde” mantra. Perhaps I should not have pointed out that co-worker Kitty is the ONLY blonde I actually like as a blonde… but that’s only because otherwise she has so much gray hair I think I’m talking to my grandmother. So maybe there are a lot of “perhapses” that occurred that I am not entirely innocent in being nonsupporting of this hair decision.
Now The Nick swears that The Cracker had nothing to do with it, and had not yet seen it himself. In fact, she cited the fact that The Steff once had blonde hair as evidence that I am not as “non-blonde” as I claim to be. I admitted to her, that when The Steff went totally blonde on those rare occasions, I was just as non-blonde as I was being now. This of course is when she also said that it was because of The Steff that she decided to do it. I pointed out that The Steff at no time had her hair braided, so why she would dye her hair blonde and braid it was still beyond me.
So finally, I did what only a good friend would do. I asked her how much it would cost to put her hair back the way it was. I would pay. Totally. She said that she wanted get the opinion of The Cracker first. So when she came into work Wednesday (after not answering her phone Tuesday which is a totally DIFFERENT subject altogether) I asked her how he liked it.
She says, “He loves it.”
Fucking liar. He just wanted to get laid.
I say I think I need to break his legs now.Close it Up
categories: Personal Drama The Nick The Steff
So today is Wednesday. As I have been doing for quite a few Wednesdays… I present to you this week’s edition of Cereal Wednesday…
So yeah, I ran over again. By quite a bit to be honest. So let me fill you in on the offer:
The offer was for a Shrek Inflatable Boogie Board. Now, this is a mail away offer, but it is actually a cool mail away offer. On every box of certain Kellogs cereals are Shrek Tokens, in promotion for Shrek the Third that is coming out later this year. What is cool about the offer is that it actually gives you options. So to get a Shrek Inflatable Boogie Board you can do one of two things:
1) Mail in one token a $3.99 and receive the Shrek Inflatable Boogie Board
2) Mail in five tokens and receive the Shrek Inflatable Boogie Board
So basically, all you have to do is really buy only ONE box of cereal and then pay for postage and handling as opposed to most other offers that make you buy 4 or 5 boxes of cereal. I think the fact they give you an option is pretty awesome.
You may also have noticed that I’ve started numbering the Cereal Wednesdays. I’ve decided to number them with Roman Numerals, and was surprised to find that I was actually up to XIII (13 for those of you who may not be familiar with Roman Numerals) on the list. I’ve eaten a lot of cereal… and its all for you. I live to serve.
On a final note… my t-shirt offer deadline is tonight. There have been some people who have expressed interest but I think either a) are afraid I’m a “cereal killer” b) are afraid to have their picture taken or c) only wear button down shirts. So… allow me to address each concern publicly. On (c) people generally wear t-shirts underneath button down shirts (b) Body shots only are fine by me… but if that still concerns you… we can always work something out… especially if you have a pet and (a) Mr. Fab doesn’t think I would be a “cereal killer”, so why should you? You can always pick a different address to have it delivered too… like a boyfriends or an aunts or something. Now there’s no pressure… I just want to make sure that everyone has an opportunity to get one of these oh so rare edition shirts.
C’mon. You know you want it…
… The Nick after all liked hers… and she’s a fashion snob.
categories: Cereal Wednesday Personal The Nick Videos