I hate people. No, really, I hate people. I hate crowded movie theaters which is why I usually go to late shows on school nights, and generally a week or two after a movie has opened. This is how I avoid the annoyances of movie theaters. I do have one problem though… DJ. Going to the movies has become “our thing” primarily because during the winter there really wasn’t much that we could do other than sit and watch TV or play board games. Since I get him every other weekend, I prefer to do things with him than sitting around. So during the winter, our thing was the movies. Since the theater opened up across the street from the house, it was made really easy. Of course, he also now knows exactly when a movie is in theaters by the commercials.
So from the moment he walked through the door he was asking about Spider-Man 3. I actually had a Haz-Mat drill yesterday, so my parents had brought him home after Blinky‘s communion that I missed. They had tried to pacify his “need” to see it by taking him to the carousel and fish pond at the park. Unfortunately… that only pacified him for so long.
I really had hoped to avoid it… but things just didn’t work out that way because he still “needed” to see it.. I was able to get tickets online… and so we trudged over to the theater for a later showing than we normally go to because the earlier showings were indeed sold out. Amazingly, when we got there we walked right in because apparently our show was already seating 45 minutes before show time. There was NO line at concessions… and I kinda had a smile on my face. The throngs of people outside waiting for the later shows really should have clued me in.
The theater was packed. We ended up sitting down in the front, fourth row back from the front row. The last movie I sat so close for was the premiere of Jurassic Park… and in that movie my soda cup literally went 20 feet vertical before landing on my friend KC‘s head. Needless to say… its been awhile. The theater was filled with people… and not just comic book fanboys either. There were a lot of everyday people there. to see the show. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing… but I’ve always felt closest in a fan boy audience especially at a premiere. The crowds have been packing it in all weekend. Know how I know? Behind our seat was quite literally a layer of popcorn about two inches high. Because they are trying to pack in so many shows, they aren’t able to clean the theaters like they normally would inbetween. Ontop of that… well each one had been sold out. In fact, Friday and Saturday have been sold out since Thursday here in the city. Sunday’s shows were being sold out around 5 hours in advance… so the throngs of people were still going although a little bit slower.
So with all that said, below the fold is the rest of the post including spoilers… so be forwarned.
WTF? I have some pretty big issues with the whole movie.
• First, Venom has about 15 minutes of screen time as Venom. They have been basically selling the whole Venom thing since day one, and he has probably the smallest role with one single fight scene at the end. For those who think that the black suited Spider-Man is Venom… no, he isn’t. He’s just black suited brutal Spider-Man. Then, when you do actually see Venom… he keeps showing the face of Eddie Brock instead of the snarling tongue lashing razor sharp face you WANT to see! So the movie is basically saying that Eddie Brock is in fact still in there… which does explain away the whole Brock/Venom thing for moviegoers… but they should have stopped at showing his face the first time.
• Spider-Man had probably 5 minutes more screentime than Venom. When I say Spider-Man, I mean red and blue Spider-Man. The Spider-Man everyone wants to see… your friendly neighborhood one.
• I really can’t complain about the Sandman. I think he was played well, and his effects were really superb.
• The New Goblin or Goblin Jr., wtf? Really now… he looks like a bad ass snowboarder. Where is the manical laugh behind the disturbing visage of the mask that was by and far his trademark? Now the “mask” is there for a second, and then folded up into wherever it disappears to leaving Harry bare-faced. Where did the awesome armored to the gills smoking glider go? Now its as if he’s riding on a stick.
• Is this the Mary Jane Watson 3 movie or what? Kristen Dunst was quoted as saying something along the lines of how there could be no Spider-Man 4 without Tobey McGuire, director Sam Raimi, and herself. Fool. There shouldn’t have been Spider-Man 3 with her in it. I haven’t been a Dunst hater, until now.
• Gwen Stacy was a prop, plain and simple. Nice eye candy for the occasion, added a bit of an adversary for MJ, but otherwise not really in the mix.
Wanna know the part that TOTALLY BLEW MY FUCKING MIND? This is TOTAL spoiler by the way… towards the end, Venom and Sandman team-up and kidnap MJ. So what does Spider-Man do? He goes and asks his buddy Harry Osbourne to help him. Right… the guy he blew up 20 minutes before and is in fact his arch-enemy is being asked to team up for the good of the girl who REJECTED Harry. Harry actually tells him no… but then… his butler, named Bernard of all things, tells him, “Oh, I dressed your father’s wounds that night, and they were done by his own hand.” So what does Harry do? Yep… teams up with Spidey as his bad-ass Boarder Goblin self… calls him “Pete” the entire battle… and then dives in front of a death blow with his glider from Venom. The final battle though, was quite good… and including absolution for the Sandman for killing Uncle Ben although there is no closure regarding his ill and dying daughter.
The movie ended with literally three different fade endings. The first was Harry dying in MJ‘s arms. Then there was Harry‘s funeral. Then there was Peter Parker in a jazz club where MJ once again broke into a fucking song.
As a movie goer… I will give it a because it does find closure in the majority of the story arcs it starts as well as the one outstanding story arc from the previous 2 movies.
As a comic reader… I will give it a because it takes SO much and delivers SO little. For those of you who don’t know… there is an agreement between Marvel and any movie made with their brand. Stan Lee must have a cameo. Normally he plays a bus driver, or a bank security guard, or some doofus. This one… his cameo was quick but powerful… when he says, “I guess one man can make a difference, and I’ll leave it at that.” So for that moment alone… it’s a .
Take it for what its worth… maybe wait for it on DVD.
The preview of Pirates of the Caribbean: Land’s End sadly looks like another Spider-Man 3… where the bad guys team up and Johnny Depp looks stiff as hell. I really hope this summer isn’t a complete bust in the movies.