Creative Bones

Any movie that stars Hayden ”I Have Killed The Greatest Trilogy Of All Time With My Shitty Acting” Christensen had better have a great plot to warrant me going to see it and paying full price. Jumper has an awesome premise… but it seems the plot went on vacation before shooting even started. Is this a possible writer’s strike casualty? I don’t think so.

The whole premise of the movie is that there are people out there with the ability to teleport or “jump” instantaneously from one place in the world to another. It seems in the movie that they do this using some sort of personal wormhole they are able to open… and it also seems the further the jump the longer the “jump scar” stays in place. Opposing the Jumpers are the Paladins, which have apparently hunted Jumpers since medieval times. The Paladins get the blame for the whole Spanish Inquisition amongst other things.

So the story followed Hayden Christensen‘s character, David Rice, as he steals money, lives the good life, has sex with countless women across the world who are all in different time zones, and finally gets caught up with by the Paladins. The Paladins want him dead because in their eyes, all Jumpers go bad. By the way the movie plays out… I believe them. In fact… I will say it now just in case there is a sequel… I am pro-Paladin. Besides the fact that the lead Paladin Roland is played by none other than Samuel ”I got cut down by this traitorous ass” Jackson with white hair… well yeah… I want him to kill David Rice for nothing more than the pleasure of watching Wace Mindu get his revenge.

Of course, David escapes and jumps home… then to his old girlfriend (played by the fabulous Rachel Bilson who also happens to be getting the end of the Sith lightsaber in the bedroom for real… if you know what I mean) who he hooks up with once again and then he takes her to Rome. Eventually he meets another Jumper named Griffin (played by Jamie Bell as a supporting character who was more interesting and believable than the main character) and the two of them agree to a limited “team up” on the Paladins.

Predictably the two Jumpers go at each other because Griffin is ready to sacrifice the girl, and David isn’t. Anyway… blah blah blah… big fight… blah blah blah… David‘s mom who left him at 5 turns out to be a Paladin… blah blah blah… sequel gets set-up and Mace doesn’t get avenged… yet.

Now while I do not need every single plot point explained to me… not only would a little bit more backstory have been nice, but a likable main character would have been good too. I walked in not caring about the characters… and walked out caring only how the Paladin was going to get down from the cave he had been dropped in. I also know that if there is a sequel… I’ll wait for the DVD.

posted by NYC Watchdog at Tuesday - 02.19.08 @ 12:34 AM
categories: Creative Bones Motion Pictures
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So 01.18.08 has come and gone… and we here in New York City are alive and well. Of course, that is not so according to the uber-hyped movie Cloverfield.

Before I actually get to sharing my opinion on the actual film (which I’ll put below the fold because I will probably mention some spoilers and don’t want to ruin it for anyone) that I saw with my friend (who shall henceforth be known as Buttery for the amount of the shit she poured onto the popcorn) allow me to explain to you exactly what my feel about what type of movie this actually is. I have never viewed this as a true “monster” movie. The way I have always seen Cloverfield was more of a story of origin told from a certain point of view.

The point of view they chose, whether it be paying homage to The Blair Witch Project or ripping it off, serves for a purpose. The “mystery” surrounding the monster known as Cloverfield, kept secret and STILL being debated, proved that the Internet does not necessarily have to ruin the best parts of a movie… and in fact can often enhance it. The very basis of this movie was NOT to answer ANY questions about it. This movie was meant to be the foundation of a franchise. Having been made for $30 Million dollars it has reportedly made $46 Million dollars over the weekend.

Get ready for the series… I assure you.

Now onto the actual movie…

The drawing above was the rendering that caused the whole “whale with crabs” theory. Is it accurate? Nope. Cloverfield is not whale shaped at all. In fact, it appeared relatively boney for its size, but it did drop off smaller creatures. The smaller creatures did NOT appear as depicted above. They appeared to be roughly half the size of a human, and Poppy described it best when she said that they were more similar to the bugs from Starship Troopers. The fact is, you rarely get a good steady look at it. During some of the aerials, the face almost looked human… but then towards the end there is a close up of the creature while being backlit, and it does not appear human at all. The creature appeared to have the stature of a T-Rex, leaning forward while moving. Additionally, it did not just have two arms, but it also appeared to have two other appendages that can best be described as pincers similar to the creature in the Geonosis Arena from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

The Cast

Now anyone who has a clue about movies like this that follow the Blair Witch model of casting no name actors and actresses really doesn’t expect people to live at the end, right? Of course, the pre-teen kids proclaimed at the end of the movie how, “Oh just what we wanted, a movie where everyone dies at the end.” Personally I wanted to turn around and tell them to go watch some Ren and Stimpy if they can’t deal with it… but besides the fact they probably never heard of that cartoon either, what’s the point? For a bunch of no names acting undoubtedly in front of a CGI green screen for alot of shots… I give them credit. Although it was all aided by the shaky camera composition, there was some more than decent acting… especially at the end where Rob and Beth say they love each other… and then are wiped from the planet in explosions of fire and brimstone. So, I don’t expect to see any of them again, but what I did see was pretty good.

Imagery

There was the usual outcry because of the “New York under attack is capitalizing on September 11” group. Normally, I just brush this kind of shit aside… but yeah… the actual imagery was VERY reminiscent of the attack. No, no terrorist has hurled the Statue of Liberty’s head down the street, but… near the early attack when a building collapses the actors take refuge in a deli/bodega as the debris cloud rolls past them and eventually eclipses everything outside. This same exact sort of video was seen from numerous cameras 6 years ago during the terrorist attack. Inspiration? Not at all. It was a planned rip off to play on those terrors we feel deep inside. Additionally, the movie made sure that geographically it was accurate within the city itself… but from where the building collapsed and the deli/bodega was… the cloud should have rolled the other way… to the south with the wind.

The second piece of imagery obviously ripped from that day is the apartment building that Beth supposedly lives in. It is in fact the Time Warner Towers… which have been compared to the WTC numerous times. The fact they chose THAT particular building in a city of literally thousands makes you wonder… why? Of course… its positioning was relatively interesting with one tower collapsing into the other.

So while I’m not going to decry the movie because of its use of imagery, its really very blatant and fulfills their purpose to add a realistic twinge to the film.

Easter Eggs

Okay… so there has been a huge online build up of this movie. There have been false newscasts, photos, and other clues all around. There literally is none of it in the film. So whatever the online link to Slusho, TIDOwave, and Tagruato is still unknown besides the fact that there is some Slusho product placement. I would suggest following Cloverfield News for any further developements on the sites that have been building the buzz.

In the actual movie there are two interesting things towards the end. When the movie goes from Central Park to the underlying footage from the day at Coney Island, it opens on the ocean. Right before the camera turns for the closeup, in the upper right hand corner of the screen, something rockets down into the ocean and creates a splash. Meteor? Satellite? Monster? Your guess is as good as mine. Then, at the end of the credits, there is some white noise and what sounded like, “It’s still alive.”

Overall Impressions

Overall the movie was good if you went into it not expecting a monster movie. The no name actors, their stories during this terror filled event, and their individual demises (including exploding after a bite from one of the little monsters) are forefront in the story, with Cloverfield and his little friends himself playing more of a supporting role. The movie for the most part stayed very geographically accurate to the city. The quick military response, the battery life of the camera, and its sudden nightvision ability are all relatively laughable but easily dismissed due to the quick bursts of fast paced, shaky, and jolty action. Dramamine would be highly recommended if your motion sensitive.

I would tell you what my friend Buttery thought of the ending… but 80 minutes into it the butter took effect… and she ended up in the bathroom for the last 4 minutes… but she’s seen Blair Witch… so she knows how it ends.

Close it Up

posted by NYC Watchdog at Tuesday - 01.22.08 @ 1:30 AM
categories: Creative Bones Motion Pictures Personal Poppy
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I have to wonder why J.K. Rowling decided to reveal the little tid-bit that Dumbledore is gay to a packed audience at Carnegie Hall. As if the radical Christian right isn’t already having a field day trying to ban the books under the premise that it promotes the unholy (in their opinion) practice of witchcraft, now she’s throwing homosexuality onto that fire. The question is why? To sell more books? Get bigger and badder protesters? Have more of your reading faithful hunted down and harassed? Has she become the Britney Spears of the literary world, dropping character bombs to get the press to pay attention to her?

The question that lead to The Outing of Albus Dumbledore, as it will decidedly be known henceforth in the annals of historical text, was “Does Dumbledore find true love?” Newsflash! Dumbledore is dead. J.K. Rowling herself made a point of making Dumbledore HIMSELF say that in the last book. So how does one find true love in the afterlife? Perhaps by being reunited with their true love… who in this case happened to duel with them while on earth.

I find this sort of thing to be, quite literally, bullshit. Had she truly wanted Dumbledore to be a homosexual character then she should have worked it into the books. I’m not talking about a graphic love scene, but some sort of chapter that would have defined him as what she intended if in fact that was it. She failed to do that, which means that irregardless of how many books she sells, she has failed as a writer.

With all of that in mind… NaNoWriMo is coming up. I haven’t decided if I’m going to partake in it this year, and considering I only made it halfway last year, maybe that’s a good thing. NaBloPoMo, while it seems to have died, wouldn’t even really be challenging. I’ve posted months straight everyday already.

However, with recent developments, my Passion Project has indeed a hard deadline for a finished product of December 2008. While I know it sounds like awhile away, it actually means August of 2008 to allow for editing and production time… and considering that I’ve been working on it since early 2005… at my current pace I won’t be done until 2009. So that’s what November is going to see in place of a traditional NaNoWriMo attempt. I’ll be working on that instead.

Anyone else going to do NaNoWriMo this year?

posted by NYC Watchdog at Monday - 10.22.07 @ 1:01 AM
categories: Creative Bones The Written Words
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I found the following over here while stumbling through the ‘net. I thought it was SO good… I figured I’d offer you the full version even though the person I wish would read it doesn’t read me…

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

So… since she wrote this in 2003… where praytell is our vindication???

Yeah… I thought so.

posted by NYC Watchdog at Monday - 09.10.07 @ 1:01 AM
categories: Creative Bones The Written Words
Comments (26)

So yes, Harry Potter mania is coming to a peak tonight at midnight with the release of the final book in the series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. So everywhere tonight children will be dressed up as their favorite scarred boy wizard, partake in a host of social activities with fellow witches and wizards, and be rewarded with the actual means to the ends of one of the most epic children’s stories ever written.

As it turns out, Heartless doesn’t understand the attraction. At first I chalked it up to its literary relevance… and how it has brought children to reading in numbers not seen in ages. Then after I read what Sarcastica had to say about her Potter obsession, I realized it was more than just that.

Harry Potter is in fact a huge distraction. He is a bigger distraction to some than to others, and he isn’t necessarily the same type of distraction seeing as how there are both books and movies involved, but in the end he is a distraction from an ordinary life filled with perhaps not as many magical moments as we would like. I think its actually pretty fitting… since that was why the author started to write about him… as a distraction to herself from a desperate situation she was in. Sure there are other distractions out there that could do the same thing… but are they as epic in the mind as they have become in real life? Do they provide what is truly something for everyone? Harry Potter has it all… mystery… adventure… romance… everything that might pique a person’s interest and all of it is grossly detailed to effect realism and relevance with society’s past, present, and in all likelihood future. Best of all… its magical in a world of endless possibilities… a world not necessarily of this earth and yet a very real part of it.

So tonight I will be among the throng at the “ball” to receive the final book of distractions. I’ve been planning on going for months… and while I find myself going with someone I did not expect to go with originally… I’m going all the same.

I could use the distraction.

posted by NYC Watchdog at Friday - 07.20.07 @ 2:14 AM
categories: It's All About Me Creative Bones The Written Words
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