The City

I have a confession to make.  When I first went to meet Poppy in ”France”, I was in shock.  No, not from her amazing beauty, incredible intelligence, or the weakness of her bladder in the final moments of Cloverfield.  I was in shock because the Dunkin’ Donuts in ”France” closes at 6:00pm on a Sunday.  Literally.

Living and working in New York City itself leads you to believe that life is lived a certain way.  A New York Minute actually equates to 40 seconds of Everywhere Else Time… 30 seconds if it has to do with coffee.  We put the word “convenient” in Convenient Stores and for them to be “convenient” they need to be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week… otherwise we call them Bodegas.Time is money… and here in the city neither is cheap so if its convenient enough to save us a few New York Minutes, we’re all about it.  Really.

So last night while driving home I realized my trusty antique iron steed was low on the petrol.  I pulled into a local Exxon to fuel up.  Getting out of my truck I got out my debit card and then looked up into the face of the brain child from the think tank all those windfall profits the oil companies are making is going to…

Yes, gas stations now have their own television station.  GSTV monitors were mounted to the tops of all the pumps.  Out of the 8 screens, 5 of them were bouncing the logo seen above while the other 3 showed a color test pattern.  Naturally curious, I chose a pump with a logo. 

Inserting the debit card, my hands became sweaty with anticipation as to what they were about to show me.  Would it be a bigger peek at the new season of Heroes?  Perhaps the extended trailer for The Day The Earth Stood Still?  The red-band trailer of Zack And Miri Make A Porno?  Would it be a lip-stick wearing pig Governor Palin re-enacting that scene from Flashdance (you know the one… with the water)?  What kind of convenient goodness would they award me with for my loyal patronage?

I pumped the fuel… mesmerized by the screen… waiting for my reward.

$57.15 later… and I got nothing.

Corporate mongers.

First of all… why the hell do I need a television on the pump?  Does this mean that it’s going to take longer to fuel up because the idiot savant in front of me wants to watch the end of Mr. Ed?  Why am I paying a fuckton of money for fuel to additionally get what will undoubtedly be useless crap thrown in my face?  That what pop-ups are for!  More advertising maybe?  That’s what personal blogs are for!  More political dogma spewed out from pundits and surrogates?  Holy hell people!  Input overload!

The ONLY rumor I heard about GSTV that was somewhat positive is that possibly… they’ll be showing episodes of Cereal Wednesday.  Now THAT is something I’d be interested in.

So what about your over priced fueling stop… does it have its own television station you’ll be paying to shove unwanted programming down your gullet?

It seems the Radisson Hotel chain wants to incite a war.  Now look, I understand that we as New Yorkers lost the chance to host the 2012 Summer Olympics to London through nothing more than our own bureaucratic sniveling.  Still, London got the job done… so bravo!

But that’s where London supremacy ends.

Radisson has other things in mind though… as you can see by this ad pictured here with Big Ben and the term, “Heavenly peace in the city that never sleeps.”

Well excusee’ fuckin’ moi’.  Just when did London become The City That Never Sleeps?

NEWSFLASH

To prove the unworthiness of the title of The City That Never Sleeps allow me to provide this little tidbit of information, that is not such a great secret but surely evidence of who the true insomniac city is:

• • The London Apple Store at 235 Regent Street is open Monday-Saturday from 10:00am-9:00pm and on Sundays from Noon-6:00pm
• • The London Apple Store at Unit V6a Upper West Mall in Brent Cross is open Monday-Friday from 10:00am-8:00pm, Saturday from 9:00am-7:00pm, and Sundays from Noon-6:00pm
• • The New York City Apple Store at 767 Fifth Avenue is open 24/365… that’s 24 HOURS and 365 DAYS A YEAR

Who’s the City That Never Sleeps now?

The Big Apple… that’s who.

Memo

To: Radisson Advertising Agency
From: New York City
Subject: Your False Advertising

Due to your unoriginal and incompetent attempt at advertising, it is highly suggested that you take your own life, before the New Yorkers get you.

Thanks,
NYCWD

This upcoming weekend will be the inaugural BrittCon Event, 2008 in none other than New York City.  Since BrittCon is in my hometown… I figured I would help prepare BrittCon attendees by giving them a little information about touristy stuff from a local perspective.  All of this is information will be broken down by borough area they want to see.

Mid-town Manhattan

The true tourist mecca of New York City is contained in the area known as Mid-town Manhattan.  With so much to see, so much to do, you’ll have to choose wisely lest you miss your flight home.

Mid-town Sights

• Times Square @ 42 Street and Broadway/7th Avenue - The Crossroads of the World is actually an eight block tourist trap.  The bright lights that turn night into day have entranced many a mid-westerner into a stupor leading them to get hit by a cab.  Some sights within the “Square” are the MTV Building @ 1515 Broadway, the Virgin Megastore, Toys R Us (a MUST visit for the indoor ferris wheel alone), M&Ms World, Hershey’s Chocolate World, The Ed Sullivan Theater @ 1697 Broadway, and the HBO Shop @ 1100 Broadway.
• The New York Public Library @ 455 5th Avenue (between 40th and 42nd Streets) - It may take some Patience and Fortitude to pull yourself away into the world of books… but just think about both the Ghostbusters and The Day After Tomorrow significance.
• The Empire State Building @ 5th Avenue and 34th Street - King Kong ain’t got nuthin’ on this building… at least not anymore.
• Madison Square Garden @ 7th Avenue and 33rd Street - So, how about those Knicks?  Yeah… they suck… but The Artist Formerly Known As Squiggly Line played here!
• The Naked Cowboy @ Times Square - If you can catch a picture of him in front of M&M’s World, you have blogging gold! [Link]
• Rockefeller Center @ Between 5th and 6th Avenue and 48-51 Street - Prometheus, Atlas, the Peacock Network and The Rockettes can all be found here.
• St. Patrick’s Cathederal @ 5th Avenue and 50 Street - The home of the current, and past, Cardinals of New York.  The Pope was here too.  A few of them.
• The United Nations Headquarters @ 1st Avenue and 42 Street - The site of daily protests on everything from Tibet to Darfur.  This is also the business place of people who owe the city a bazillion dollars in unpaid parking tickets.  Throw eggs at will.

And that’s just naming the big things…

Mid-Town Food

• Carmine’s @ 200 W. 44th Street/Broadway - Got a family?  Eat family style!
• Hallo Berlin @ 626 10th Avenue (44th Street) - Ya!  German fare!  More importantly, German beer!  Ya!
• Gray’s Papaya @ 539 8th Avenue (37th Street) - Made famous by the last bastion of the $1.00 hot dog… the dogs are now $1.25… but not a better one can be found!  When in doubt, bring $5 and ask for the “Recession Special” (2 dogs and a drink)… and you get change back!
• Virgil’s BBQ @ 152 W. 44th Street - Southern cookin’ done right by a bunch of Damned Yankees.
• Bread Factory Cafe @ W 43rd Street and 9th Avenue - I haven’t been there in awhile… but to be honest… the food was damn good when I was there.
• The Hot Dog Stand On The Corner @ the corner of wherever you are - Look, here’s the deal… everyone always says, “Oh, it’s so much better from the cart!” when the truth is, it MAY be better from the cart.  Pick and choose your carts wisely… and look for the carts where New Yorkers go to.  Seriously… a cart with a long line of construction workers or cops has that line for a reason.  Personally, I’m all about the guy across the street from the MTV Building @ 1515 Broadway and in front of the Nokia Theater… but that’s just me.  Also, seriously consider your hunger pains vs. getting a sausage instead of a hot dog.  Yes, there is usually a $.50 difference… but sometimes the hot dogs just don’t cut the mustard.

Travel

The Crossroads of the World could also be called the Crossroads of the Subway… because really, there is no subway line not obtainable in the city from this central location.

A Final Note On Safety

I know as bloggers we prefer to believe that there is good in everyone.  Unfortunately, less than 1% of the population in New York City are bloggers.  Just keep that in mind… not so much for the streets… but for the bars, clubs, and restaurants.  In the case of an emergency, dial 911 and give them an address.  The enhanced 911 only gives the cell tower your calling from… and it may not be the one nearest you. 

Make sure there is an ICE Contact in your cell-phone.  ICE stands for In Case of Emergency… and either EMS, NYPD, or the hospital will be looking for that number if by some chance your unconscious or altered mental status.  It may be good to have two or three ICE Contacts, just in case someone isn’t home.

In the case of a medical emergency, call 911 and when the EMS crew gets there request either Beth Israel South @ 1st Avenue and E. 16 Street, Saint Vincent’s @ 7th Avenue and W. 12 Street, NYU Hospital @ 1st Avenue and E. 34th Street, or Roosevelt Hospital @ 10th Avenue and W. 59 Street.  If the EMS crew gives you a problem, tell them you want to speak to their Lieutenant… plain and simple.  Avoid Bellevue… as historic as it may seem.

Yeah… we’re a whole lot safer in New York than most people think… but that’s because we just tend to trust no one.

Most Important Information

Have fun!