FOAD
So today is once again Thursday. The heathens are trying to hide from my wrath today… for they know it is time for me to command them to Fuck Off And Die, but there is no shelter from a scorned Dawg about to go buckwild.
The first FOAD today goes out to the person who decided it was a good idea to soundproof the new cars. Besides the fact that yes, you can now listen and feel your New Kids On The Block CD from the 90’s, you also can no longer hear the honking horns, sirens, or screaming red-faced demon waving a 4 D-cell maglite at you when your stopped at the red light that is… wait for it… FROZEN. Yes. Great idea. So FOAD soundproofing idiot. Oh, and the red-faced demon? Yeah… don’t mess with Freakzilla. IF and I stress IF it was me… I would have smashed the windows in with Uncle Louisville.
Boy. I missed the Bronx.
The next FOAD goes out to those who see fit to make me part of the horse and pony show. ‘Nuff said.
My next FOAD really isn’t an FOAD. It’s more like an F. The timing chain on my truck blew a hole through a casing. So yeah… I need a new one. The price? $1500 best case scenario… $3500 for a rebuilt engine in total if I fucked it up enough by driving the 12 miles from work with it spitting oil. I
my truck. Granted… it may be a mess on the inside… and dented on the outside… but I
it. Ya know? But, F. I really didn’t want to spend this money on it… I wanted a vacation.
I would like to send Peace and Love out today as well… to Time Warner Cable. Some of you may remember that I have DirecTv and are wondering what Time Warner has to do with it… well they are my high-speed Internet provider at home. Actually, they’re resellers or they own Earth-link… but the bill says Time Warner. So last night I uploaded Cereal Wednesday. Once it cleared the YouTube buffer, I got the insert code, and began writing the post. When I pressed Submit the browser errored. So I hit the backspace, and tried again. No goosh. Then I looked and saw that the CABLE light was out. I figured it was temporary. I was wrong. Three hours later… I went to bed frustrated, pissed, and agonized over my connection failure.
This morning, I woke up. Swung my legs out of bed and then swung my body across and into my computer chair. I re-booted my computer… waited for that CABLE light… and nothing. Bastards. Now I call. They were very nice. I would like to say she was a stupid bitch with a whore for a mother and milk man for a father, but she actually was really nice. She tried a few different things… but in the end… she had to make me a technician appointment. So here was our conversation from that point:
Me: Okay… when?
Her: Monday.
Me: …
Her: Sir, Monday between noon and four.
Me: …
Her: Sir, is Monday good for you? We could also do it Wednesday if that’s better for you?
Me:
So yeah. Peace and Love to you Time Warner for breaking my ‘net so I can’t post, watch videos, leave comments (which I suck @ anyway), read e-mails, and all the other things I consider my toys that I pay big bucks for…

Oh and no. That is not a photo of me. I would never be so stupid to allow my face to show so clearly when flipping off the world under the age of 16… much less 6. Fucking duh.
An FOAD goes out to my dear friends at none other than Dunkin’ Donuts. Now that I have given up soda (or pop as so many of you kindly pointed out) I rely on my large, French Vanilla, ice coffee, light with cream, and four Splendas to wake me up in the afternoon. Tuesday… I received *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG*. I absolutely hate it. Now understand that my ice coffee comes to $2.38 cents. I usually give them $3 and let them keep the change for their tip cup… I know 62 cents is not a lot… but I expect the right syrup to get pumped, ya know? So I turned around and went back. Yes… this made me a little late for work… but I NEED my ice coffee and I absolutely cannot drink *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG*. Guess what… they wanted to charge me again. I nearly lost my mind, but calmly asked to speak to the manager. The manager agreed with the clerk that I had left the store and therefore I needed to be charged again. So I left. I will never return to that Dunkin’ Donuts again… so an FOAD goes out to those asshats… and I really hope *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG* stains. Ya dig?
An FOAD goes out to my dearest friend Christine… who refuses to speak to me over the red rose incident… even after forwarding her the e-mail where I ordered YELLOW. I know in like a month we’ll be back to normal… but for some reason… I’m really tired of it right now.
An FOAD goes out to whoever it was who flagged one of my YouTube videos as having “inappropriate content”. In truth, it was a crappy vid, and the person who flagged it is probably the same person who was drunk in it… so wtfeva. FOAD and next time you go to a bagel party and don’t invite me to butter some buns then your cut the fuck off. Maybe I can re-upload it to LiveVideo??? Yeah… just FOAD mind numbing twit.
An FOAD goes out to whoever in their right mind thought that having Stan “The Man” Lee make a guest appearance in Heroes. That was so damn disturbing, its been giving me nightmares.
An FOAD also goes out to whatever it is that is causing me the newly found arm pain. No… it isn’t from rubbing a few too many out… in fact it might be carpal tunnel because it affects my wrist and shoots right up my underarm to my shoulder. So… I guess I won’t be avoiding the doctor like I had hoped. Oh, and Denise… if you come to kick my ass… fly JetBlue, k? *SMOOCHES*
As for Peace and Love this week… well I have none… at least not MY form of peace and love.
I do want to tip the red hat to Shelli… who has been named Sweetheart of the Blogging World by the RFS Blog Awards. So the Family Fab has officially whooped my ass and destroyed my hopes and dreams of glory. But that’s okay… and I want to thank everyone who voted for me, and my favorite blogger (she knows who she is, k?) for nominating me… and I want to thank those who voted against me too… because it is not their fault they don’t really know me.
I may have lost this battle, but hey… they can’t take my Time Person of the Year away from me.
/Axl Rose Impersonation
Rapid fire FOADS:
- People who drive in NYC with plates from North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and Florida… your not fooling anyone you inbred mindless twits… we know your drug dealers bringing the rock down south… so FOAD
- A resounding FOAD goes out to the Little Twerp that shouldn’t have… you’ve called down the thunder… and I’ll be a coming when you least expect it… FOAD in the meantime and save me some energy later on
- Another FOAD goes to the now SEASONAL batting cages… WTF? Last year you were open year round… this year no more? Just because its isn’t baseball season doesn’t mean that no one needs to pound a few balls when Little Twerps start shit for no reason… so FOAD… I’m going to Chelsea
- An FOAD goes out to little blonde bimbos who need attitude adjustments… its coming… but FOAD for now
- Finally an FOAD goes out to all the “Internet Playas” (IPs) out there… these scum have expanded out from the Evil Empire and are invading places like YouTube now too… FOAD… ‘cause I said so
I take this a step further… there are three other DD I frequent… two happen to be in East New York. Now in the one other in Queens (New Guy’s is also in Queens) the price difference was only fifteen cents on the really big one. Both Large and Medium had a ten cent difference, but the small had an eight cent difference. In East New York… the small had a fifteen cent difference, the Medium and Large a twenty-one cent difference, and at one DD the XL had a twenty-five cent difference while the other a whopping thirty-cent difference.
What the fuck is the deal with that? Really now… if you want to talk about racism well here it is. Not just because the price difference in the poorer neighborhoods was greater, but because they have placed this price difference on the WHITE hot chocolate. Are they trying to make them pay for the “privilege” of drinking the WHITE one??? What a crock of shit!!! I did ask one of the managers, and all they could tell me was that the price difference was set by the store based on what the corporation charged them. So a DD in a poorer neighborhood gets charged more money for the product so they pass that on to the poorer people??? Oh HELL-FUCKING-OH!!!
What is wrong with Corporate America today I ask you? The problem is that those in charge have NO clue what is going on out there in their businesses. We all know that the White Hot Chocolate is just a different syrup… in fact it should be cheaper because there is no need for food coloring to be added… but no. If its white… it must be “exotic” and therefore more expensive. So to Corporate DD of America… Peace and Love bitches…
… now take your hot chocolate, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass!!!Labels: FOAD
To every single ignorant idiot who drives on the Interborough Parkway (now formerly known as the Jackie Robinson Parkway) at 60 miles an hour with ice on the road… yeah… just FOAD… or better yet go 70 without a seatbelt so when you crash into the wall you’ll eject yourself and die. Really. Promise.
To all the Chinese take out places… fortune cookies are not a privilege… they are a right. If I order the House Special Lo Mein, ignore the fact that the cat is missing, and get it without fortune cookies, I’m going to be pissed off and rightfully so. You have denied me my lucky numbers. Assholes. FOAD.
Finally… a little Peace and Love that is really on behalf of a friend but it pisses me off more than soggy Frosted Flakes… has to go to home based businesses that promote themselves, take orders, and then leave their customers high and dry. I know from experience the difficulties home based businesses face… in fact I operated three of them. When I shut down my videographing business, I made sure all my clients knew about it and received either the product from my hands or I outsourced, and once at a loss, to another vendor to videotape their weddings/christenings. I didn’t have the same problem with my button making business or my “name on a scroll” business… but I still made sure everyone was satisfied. This was my DUTY since they had taken a chance on me as a home based business.
As a consumer it is relatively hard to justify supporting such a business when this seems to be the working modus operandi of so many. What makes it generally worse with businesses such as these is that to promote it, you operate under the guise of a friend. Yes… you will garner support and specifically “make friends” to help your business thrive… and then you will abandon them. Bastards. So in honor of your despicable inability to send a personal e-mail to those who await products you apparently are no longer making… I offer you Peace and Love… original atomic style bitches…
Oh, and if anyone hosts at this service: Hosting WAHMS … then let me know, ‘cause after I disown you for giving them money… I will still take you back and help you find a REAL host when hosting no longer is convenient for them. Oh… and just in case your wondering why I have SO much Peace and Love for them… this used to be their URL: http://mystickalincense.com/blog . Yeah… go see what’s there now. Traitor.Labels: FOAD
It really isn’t a big secret, at least to us in the business, that the lifestyle of most law enforcement, fire service, or emergency medical service personnel revolves around long hours sustained by shitty food. Some people make the serious attempt to remain healthy, but ultimately at 4:00am in the morning your options are pretty limited unless you bring food from home. Now I am all for people bringing food from home. I generally stop off at a deli and bring lunch/dinner/breakfast and my soda for the day with me during most months except for summertime. Bringing it from your actual home in tupperware containers and your own utensils is fine too. Really. One small thing though… when you leave, take everything with you. Don’t bring your food and then go leaving a used metal fork where it might stab someone else. Don’t leave behind your tupperware to grow goddamn penicillin and then have the nerve to COMPLAIN that someone threw that shit out. Oh… and when you complain and talk shit, I highly suggest you do it about someone who won’t call you out on it in front of EVERYBODY. Yeah. Tupperware ho, FOAD.I often wonder about the whole illegal immigrant debate while sitting in food establishments. While last night was tentative plans with The Steff for karaoke and Black & Tans… it turned into 1:00am dinner/breakfast with Christine at a twenty-four hour diner around the way. Now this diner is named after a very PEACHY state… in fact it has a gigantic neon peach on its sign. Therefore, you would expect a certain level of sweetness… maybe even a little southern hospitality. However, this of course is New York and the closest thing to anything southern are the KFC/Taco Bell stores (yes, I call them stores, because they really are not restaurants). Why does this bring the illegal immigrant debate to mind? Well, I am a fickle person while Christine really isn’t. My order was clearly in English and made to an English speaking waitress. In fact, she is a citizen who was born and raised not to far from this establishment. Don’t ask me why I know these things, I just do. So when I order a chicken kebab deluxe (chicken on a stick w/pita, fries, and Greek salad) and I SPECIFY “no salad, and absolutely NO Feta cheese”, I expect… well… no salad and absolutely NO Feta cheese. So when the server comes back with a plate with salad and… yeah… Feta cheese contaminating my chicken, I sent it back. However… I did not send it back with server. When I told her this, she placed the plate down and said, “Well just take it off,” and left. So there I am looking at this cheese… smelling this cheese… vomit in my mouth about to come out… when sure as shit the little illegal came, took my plate, and five minutes later brought me a new one that was Feta free. I kid you not. Hell, if we in America can’t serve our own kind… maybe we do need the illegals. So FOAD lazy ass waitress bitch.
Do you burn candles? I do. In fact, I burn quite a few various sizes. I’ve always liked jar candles, tea lights, and votives. I do also burn pillars but I have a hard team keeping them from self-destructing at some point or another. Now one of the things I do with my candles is a light them using one of those Multi-Purpose Lighters from Zippo. I also have a collection of Zippo lighters (I can even read the stamp on the bottom), so having a Zippo MPL is only natural. In fact, I have one for lighting candles and one with my emergency response gear just in case. I also only buy Zippo fluid or Zippo butane. It may be a few cents more… but my lighters are worth it. So when I go to the store, and I specifically say, “Zippo butane can”… that means I want the butane made by Zippo. Simple right? So why does every single smoke shop/drug store/convenience store clerk feel the need to try and sell me mutha-fucking Ronson? Are they getting kickbacks or something? So to the Duane Reade employee (yeah, I’ve been avoiding CVS… better let things cool down a bit since last weeks incident) who shoved the Ronson butane fuel in the bag, which I admit I didn’t double check, and then charge me for the Zippo fuel which is a dollar more… well FOAD. Not only do you not listen, but then you can’t even ring the shit up right.
While pigs, waitresses and clerks are topping my FOAD list this week, we also can’t forget the drivers who cut me off on the Interborough again (different drivers, same road), the newest Dunkin’ Donuts addition (they have shitty retention… I wonder why?) who fucked up my FVIC, and the idiots who have to be told repeatedly how to do their jobs day, after day, after day. I mean how hard is it to go somewhere, pick someone up, and then drop them off somewhere else? FOAD idiots… just FOAD.Finally… Peace and Love this week goes out to Blooger. Anyone notice anything different? Yeah… my blog is now on the Blooger Beta mode. This is the reason, if you read me through RSS, I probably puked all over your feed reader. Basically what they’ve been doing is taking resources away from the Old Blooger… meaning if you didn’t switch it was taking a month and a day just to get to your dashboard. Fuckers. So how do you like me now? All beta like and shit? I haven’t seen a change on the front, while the backend is still pretty much the same but with rounded buttons as opposed to the squares. I haven’t fucked with the template because… well… I know it’ll go wonky and break and shit. So thanks Blooger… Peace and Love you bitch whore sons of Google… Peace and Love…

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