Saving Lives

…And the afflicted thou wilt save…
- 2 Samuel 22:28

Things are afoot at the Circle K my friends… things are afoot.

Hesitation and contemplation are not my strongest traits when things go squirrelly.  I’ve never hesitated to smash headfirst though a moshpit crowd for the unconscious in the middle of it.  I’ve never hesitated to crawl through glass into the open window of the overturned car.  I’ve never hesitated to accidentally open a locked door when tying my shoelace because the person on the other side was unable to do so.  I’ve never hesitated to push the laws of physics on bending turns in top heavy trucks when the distance is greater than it should be if the city would only invest in a real CAD system.  More importantly, I’ve never hesitated to offer assistance whether it was needed… or not… in all walks of life.

Until now.

My lack of movement is really of my own doing because in posting the Alligator River Story this comment from Miss Britt, “What’s interesting about all of this is that in a less than ideal situation, you often have to choose which value means the most to you- to prioritize”, has given me pause to where exactly my priorities are since the situation is the furthest thing from ideal than is imaginable.

The fact is, the situation would not be occurring had people listened to me.  I am sought out on a daily basis for advice and counsel from a variety of people.  Today alone I received two phone calls and an e-mail for industry advice from people in 3 different states.  I offered my advice based on past business practices and cite a number of references as well as play the “what if” scenario and how options will disappear and be replaced by sometimes less appealing alternatives.  Offering advice is not foreign to me, it has become part of the job.

My friends also ask for advice or my opinion on matters at hand.  For them I do the same thing, offer my advice on my past personal experiences and cite a number of examples before playing the “what if” scenarios.  I will admit, that recently when I did this at no time did I play the “What if you purposely lie about where your going, get followed, and caught with another guy?” because my underlying advice has always been to “be honest.” Am I accountable for those who ask for advice but then fail to listen to it?  Am I accountable for the fact that my piece of advice to the “other” person in this was, “Let her go,” but they did not adhere to it either?

So things are afoot… and while I have not been contacted directly about it… the events were purposely made known to me.  Whereas previously I would have immediately picked up the phone to try and heal whatever damage had been done… because ultimately I do feel accountable for it even though others would not view me as accountable… instead I have paused.  I have waited for my phone to ring, but it hasn’t, so I am stuck in a place I am unaccustomed to.  I have become what I despise the most.  I am Ivan.

While some people insist I look for and instigate drama, and others yet will insist I cannot save the world… I believe in neither hypothesis but prefer to maintain my faith that the drama finds me and all I need to do is to save the cheerleader.  If it worked for Hiro, it should work for me too, right?

But in the end the cheerleader will need to want to be saved… and maybe for once listen to what I have to say and then maybe even do it.

P.S.

MySpace is the fucking devil, k?

For many years there have been quite a few people who consider me an alpha type personality.  Loud, eccentric, bossy, and menacing are all words that have been used to describe me from those who I work closest with.  Are those words flattering?  Not really, but the DONE and ACCOMPLISHED and SUCCESS red stamps on 99% of my projects are really what matters.

So walking into this temporary assignment, I had to keep in mind that while I am working here… I don’t actually WORK HERE… ya know?  It’s more of a consultant and guiding role.  Unfortunately, while Wednesday was a rousing improvement, yesterday crashed and burned.  Today, well, I have hopes.  I have hopes that these people will get on the ball, that they will do what I ask of them, that they listen to what I say before dismissing my suggestions.  My alpha personality right now is on vacation while I’m all smiles, hand holding, and positive reinforcing.

My boss however has in no uncertain terms made it clear that this must succeed and to use any and all means necessary at my disposal.  This basically means that if I have to drink goat’s blood, slaughter a hundred Spartan warriors, lay waste to the land, and unleash the demons from the nine circles of hell, then that’s what I’ll have to do.  This is why they keep me.  I make things happen.  The thing is… I’m not so sure I can anymore.  This is the first real thing I’m being tested on… and the results will undoubtedly determine my future.  I need to make this happen.

If today does not go as planned, then someone is going to have to tell them that I’m coming back on Tuesday… and hell’s coming with me.  Anyone got a goat I can sacrifice on the cheap?

The first day of anything is usually accompanied with sleepless nights, stomach churning, and that mix of both excitement and anxiety of the unknown that both thrills us and can make us quiver in fear.  Well… my first day back wasn’t really like those types of first days.  It was different in quite a few aspects… lacking in both excitement and, more surprisingly, anxiety.

In a way it was a bit comforting… driving the route to work… stopping at the Dunkin’ Donuts I haven’t been to since that day… pulling into the darkness of the garage.  At the same time it was different… because my role has been changed.  This week I’ll be where I was helping out, providing some guidance to my replacement (who has already been branded as the Director of Ssshhh by my Wolves), and helping them resolve whatever it is that is still in the air.

Some people would probably see it as a bad thing, but I don’t.  It’s been no secret that the position is high stress and emergent in nature requiring split second decision making and the ability to resolve the issues that arise efficiently, quickly, and most importantly correctly.  So my absence required them to find a replacement, which is something I expected.  Granted, I was relatively surprised at their choice seeing as how the position requires someone rooted in reality as opposed to textbook theories, but to each their own.

It’s really just life changing.  It’s a change I can handle alot easier than the last change.  The fact is I’ve always preferred to be a mercenary… and this change will give me more flexibility to get done what I need to get done… the way I’m used to doing it.

Sometimes when your not willing to change your life… life changes it for you… but in the end… it’ll all be good.