Drama

As you all know, we’ve been running a poll here at APODB regarding which Vermont Teddy Bear The Steff will be getting for Valentine’s Day 2008. So the choices that we had to choose from, pictures above, were Mr. Right Bear, Bee Bear, and Prince Charming Bear. I asked for everyone to vote in the comments for the bear of their choice…

50+ comments later.
36 votes cast.
The winner with 21 votes is…

posted by NYC Watchdog at Monday - 02.11.08 @ 1:02 AM
categories: APODB Personal Poppy Drama The Steff WTF?

So last night I was accused of breaking The Man Code. That’s right… Man Code violator right here folks… line on up and see the one and only! No pushing, I’m here all week folks, really.

Obviously this will need some back story since I really haven’t made mention of the drama that has caused me to be a fugitive from the Man Police, so if you want to get down to the meat of the post just jump down to the end of this blockquote. If you want drama, get the popcorn, sit back, relax, and read on :

I have four friends who also happen to be couples. The Steff, who is engaged to The Donkey and The Terrorist, who’s girlfriend we call Beaner. For those of you who do not realize, I have known The Donkey since he was 16 and The Terrorist since he was 13, some 12 or so years ago through the volunteering at The Hills when I was the Youth Corps Coordinator. The Steff I met in early 2004, and Beaner only this past year when she started seeing The Terrorist. Its no big secret, The Steff picked The Donkey up off of my MySpace profile in spring of 2006… hence confirming that MySpace is in fact E-V-I-L. Beaner got a job working where The Steff works since around August.

So now that the length and intricacies between who knows who and how, let’s move forward to Friday 2 weeks ago… I got a phone call from a hysterical Beaner as she walked up and down the avenue. Why was she hysterical? Because she felt that The Terrorist was treating her like a “second class citizen”. This is because he has remained friends with his ex-girlfriend that he broke up with 2 and a half years ago who he had dated for four years. She was sick and tired of it. Of course I asked her if she even spoke to him about it, she says that she tries to but she never seems to be able to find the words. So in order to stop her from wandering aimlessly as a hysterical wreck, I told her I was going to take her for ice cream. Yeah… I know… ice cream in November… what can I tell you? It was the first thing I thought of. While on my way to get her, she called him and he ended up picking her up and they worked out whatever it was that was causing the problem. No, she didn’t get ice cream that day but took a rain check for the next time she was a hysterical mess. She cashed in on it yesterday.

So it all started Thursday morning with a text from Beaner early in the morning that read Its only 0830 and I need a shot. A few texts later, and I was going to pick her up from work that night to hear the issues she was having again. So Thursday night I ran late from the funeral viewing, so The Donkey ends up picking her up and bringing her to the bar where I met them after to hear the issues. Once again, it was because The Terrorist went to a wedding with his ex-girlfriend and didn’t call her. She feels like she’s treated like a second class citizen and is sick and tired of it, blah blah blah. The Donkey and her commiserate with each other over their love woes, how they are playing the same role of second class citizen in their respective relationships, I agree that men suck in general and that she should not feel like a second class citizen, and offer creative suggestions to relieve herself of the anxiety pain that has descended upon her chest. Two and a half hours later we left the bar, and I figured that at sometime during the day, he would call her and hopefully they’d be able to hash it out.

At 2:00am she sends me a text message that I miss because… well… I was unconscious. I text her when I get up, and she wants to go for ice cream yesterday. So after the funeral and work was done, I went and picked her up for ice cream in November. She had a vanilla ice cream sundae with vanilla syrup, and I of course had a Banana Royal Sundae with the works… ‘cause if you’re going to eat ice cream in November you might as well do it right. So apparently they had a text conversation last night while he was out, and one of the lines was ”I will puck you up”. Go ahead and draw your own conclusions… because she did as did I. So we talked, and she cried. We ate ice cream, and she cried. We talked some more, and she cried some more. Then we went to the mall. I was hoping a little retail therapy would help… but it really didn’t. Her bottom line is she wants to feel like he cares, she wants to be #1 in his life the same way he is in hers, and that is why she is waiting for him to actually call.

So after I dropped her off… I went and had dinner with The Terrorist at a Spanish restaurant. Of course, the Beaner topic came up. He outlined his issues, being that she had promised not to make an issue out of him going places with his ex since they were still friends, that while she was pissed he didn’t call her he DID text her which she said would have been okay, and of course when I asked him about the ”I will puck you up” text… his U and I are on the same button number 3 because his keypad is set up as a QWERTY keyboard. He made a similar mistake on an earlier text with the word ”pueces” when it should have been ”pieces”. The only thing I pointed out to him and disagreed with him on was the fact that he does treat her like a second class citizen… although I felt he does it subconsciously.

The example I used was the old Vat of Acid analogy. If Beaner was on the left, and his ex on the right, and he could only save one of them from falling into a vat of hydrochloric acid that would surely kill them… which one would he save? Guess which one he chose… which leads us to the whole point of the post. I disagree with the fact that he denies treating her like a second class citizen and I disagree with the fact that he refuses to call her to clear the air, tell her about the number 3 on his phone, and basically work out the issue because he feels she should be calling him since she was the one who in his mind started it all.

Now since these accusations have been brought against me… by my friend KC of all people… I needed to know exactly where in the Man Code did I violate? To discover that… well… first one has to find the actual code. I found it here. I have copied it below the fold for all those too lazy to click (and because I wrote more than I thought I would in the backstory portion of this post)…

2. When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man’s toast may not include any of the following phrases, “down in Tijuana”, “one time when we were all piss drunk”, or “and “this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw”.

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out “bullshit!”. (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered “lucky” are not applicable in this case.

10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he’s trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however allowed to say, “man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls”

14. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

15. If a mans zipper is down, thatâ€™s his problem, you didnâ€™t see anything!

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal’s boyfriends- low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren’t wearing shirts. If your buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think “what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin”, in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.

24. Friends donâ€™t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs. However, “house rules” may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you donâ€™t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy’s six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“Come on, give me one more, harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers”
“Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?”

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. Thatâ€™s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an “I recognize you” nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “fuck off” then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly “just a friend”, go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men’s gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DONâ€™T wear whitey tighty’s. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.

62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isnâ€™t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says “Lick my nuts” as a way to put you down, don’t try to be funny by saying “OK” and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary…

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

With every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any man shall happen to break any one of these codes, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from the time of the violation, be considered NOT A MAN. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine way, and he shall bear the name Princess.

I don’t see where I am in violation of The Man Code. I firmly believe that I am innocent in this. Even if I AM in violation… well… you may only call me Princess until midnight tonight.

For people who are supposedly living ”The Man Code”… they sure are a bunch of catty bitches, dontcha think?

Close it Up

posted by NYC Watchdog at Saturday - 11.17.07 @ 11:48 AM
categories: Personal Drama

We all know that Miss Ann Thrope is the Love Doctor Of Teh Interwebs, and there was one thing in her Love Post™ that was undoubtedly unintentionally absent… ill communication.

I, for one, am a very poor verbal communicator. I have a hard time expressing myself verbally and even when I try, it always seems to come out wrong. I’ve had this problem for a LONG time. Which is one of the main reasons I took up writing the way I have. It just seems to me that I am able to express my thoughts, but most importantly my emotions, more clearly on a written page. I have often communicated to my girlfriends through the written word, and although I did learn the nasty lesson that not all words are read the same way that they are written, for the most part I had some large successes with it.

One of the things I used to do was a journal of letters. While my fetish for blank journal books is well documented by my drawer full of them, there is only one of these journals that I have kept through the years. It is the one I shared with Pudding when we were dating. The first letter entry was dated September 14, 1999. Our relationship was young… but we were having problems already for a variety of reasons. These were problems we could not talk out as hard as we tried… so we wrote them out as best we could as we also wrote out our love and adoration of one another. It wasn’t all good though. Life rarely is all peached with cream, and the book is a clear reflection of that with the last entry dated January 7, 2001 in what has become known as Puddings Concession of Defeat that she wrote from a hospital bed. Needless to say, reading it I finally understood where she was coming from and found the words to tell her what she really meant to me… so there was a lot more of life after that entry.

We found in writing to each other another way to communicate. Perhaps it was not a better way, but it was ANOTHER way. I think its important to realize when there is ill communication between two people, to try and communicate in a different way. These were my words last night to three different friends (two of whom are in a relationship with each other) and the common question was, how?

Since I am not Miss Ann Thrope, Love Doctor Of Teh Interwebs I am turning to you for a bit of help. How else would you communicate with your partner when the methods you are using aren’t working?

smiley

posted by NYC Watchdog at Tuesday - 10.30.07 @ 1:02 AM
categories: Personal Drama Yin-Yang

Let’s face it, as much as I may try to deny it and there are rumors to support my denial, I’m a man.

The other day on the radio they were talking about how stores hire “secret shoppers”. These employees of the store go out onto the floor without a name tag and pretend to be shoppers. Then they walk around the store and watch the real shoppers. When someone looks “iffy” about something, they’ll come up, handle the product the real shopper just put down or is “iffy” on and say, “Oh I just NEED this!!!” Of course… they miraculously leave it there and then it tricks you into buying it. Apparently it is called reactionary something or another… where an item is made more desirable to you by someone else’s interest in it.

They also mentioned that in dating something similar will happen. Such as when a guy goes into a bar with 3 hot chicks, all the other girls take notice and he is suddenly more desirable than he would have been had he shown up with 3 other guys. As a guy, when a girl shows up with 3 other guys, usually I’ll think that she’s off the market so why bother. Difference between men and women revealed? Maybe.

So due to the affliction we have determined I have (being a man), by default I will never completely understand female behavior. However, I should understand the behavior of other men, right? So I can’t understand how a man can have a sweet and endearing woman at his basic beck and call… and yet he’ll still go out and copulate with other females who do not hold a candle to the endearing woman he already has. At the same time, I can’t understand why such an endearing woman would feel the need to continue to play second fiddle. Is it because he is desirable by other women? Or is it something else… like ambient stupidity?

It’s all very confusing to me.

posted by NYC Watchdog at Saturday - 09.29.07 @ 7:00 AM
categories: Personal Drama

WARNING: I am about to suck and whatever time you spend here today is time you will never get back. It’s all drama.

So… I guess you don’t believe me, huh? I guess I don’t inspire trust in people anymore… oh well. So I have a few random things I’m about to ramble on about because… well… what I ORIGINALLY intended for today will be used for Sunday. Then I thought, oh, I can just post my reverse engineering post… but guess what? Yeah… it’s a fucking novella unto itself and really needs to be edited down and I need to do some graphics. So you get some drama today.

So the whole Christine under non-speaking terms continues… sort of. Last night I got home and I found a card from her. Basically it said how she wishes I’d move on (which I did… in fact… I got MARRIED), and that by constantly instigating her idiot husband I’m only making it harder to be friends (oh hello… at LEAST half the time he instigates me!), and how she really misses me and blah blah blah. Sounds like a bittersweet card, right? Well… inside were 4 tickets for the Bamboozle Festival in May with Linkin’ Park headlining! Yeah. She me.

I saw The Steff on Wednesday. We ended up at a diner with a bunch of people from The Hills. She ended up dropping her class this semester for work… which I can’t say I’m surprised because she’s been working 3 jobs. In fact, I really haven’t seen her much… and realized just how much I miss hanging out with her. But I suck there too… because I haven’t called her either so I’ve been a sucky friend. I’m a little upset that she dropped that class… I really want her to finish school, even though now she’s thinking of changing majors. I just don’t want her to have to be dependent on some schmuck like Christine… not that The Donkey is a schmuck… but SHE is the one working 3 jobs. Ya know what I mean?

Finally, The Nick‘s sister had the baby. Did I mention she was preggo? Did I mention I might be the father? It weighed something like 9 lbs… the funny thing is her sister MAYBE weighs 90 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of quarters. But hey… the baby is healthy… and in the end that is all that really matters, right? The other important thing… is that I am 99.9% sure I am not the baby daddy. Besides the obvious fact that I never engaged with her in sexual intercourse… you just may never know. However… I think I am safe enough to go see Maury if need be. I do however think my chances of walking away unscathed from the whole Anna Nicole paternity test is greatly reduced since it seems EVERYONE who NEVER slept with her MAY BE the baby daddy.

Oh, and I just want it known that Blogger Beta is shit. Really. I know I’m finally off Blogger but I’ve been wortking on something that just makes me curse its existence. Truly.

posted by NYC Watchdog at Friday - 03.30.07 @ 1:24 AM
categories: Personal Drama Christine The Nick The Steff

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