So Lost in Thought seems to be a spurtful little blog… spurting dark things across the blogsphere. Today, I can find solace in it’s shadows… yes… it’s another rough day.
Top Ten Things NOT To Do In 2006
10) I will NOT crash an ambulance- …Every year I make this resolution… and every year I never seem to keep it. Maybe this year will be different.
9) I will NOT become depressed-… Right… I have about as much control over that as I do over the weather… but hey… it’s a goal.
8) I will NOT become an alcoholic-… Sons of alcoholics have a 90% chance of becoming alcoholics themselves… so I’m limiting my drinking to the holidays and special occasions… ok and maybe one or two nights out.
7) I will NOT lose the mortgage money playing poker-… I will win it… hehehehe.
6) I will NOT be consumed by the corporate giant Match.com-… no matter how bad it becomes… nor how desperate I am… I will not send more than 5 winks a day… otherwise I’ll be on there all day hitting that damn refresh button.
5) I will NOT dance the happy dance when Hurricane Season starts June 1-… I won’t do any dancing… however I will be throwing a party with a keg the night before as I pack my bag and begin Hurricane watch 2006.
4) I will NOT quit my job- … as stressful as it may be… and as insane as it may get… I have to remember I have responsibilities and a family… and I MUST provide for them.
3) I will NOT fail in New Years Resolutions 3 or 4- … in case you missed it… read it here.
2) I will NOT bring any violence home-… contrary to popular belief… I’m really not a violent person… I can become very very very angry though… and anger management was a major goal for me back in 1999… and so far I’m six years without a furious rampage at home… four years out of the home (that therapist ya know…)… so let’s keep it rolling.
1) I will NOT give away another piece of my heart-… How much more is there to give away anyway? If it was in quarters, well I’m done already… Christine has a piece… Pudding has a piece… The Steff has a piece… and of course Yum has a piece… so what’s left??? Maybe it’s divided into eighths…
So those are the things I will NOT be doing in 2006… with my luck I’ll end up doing them all and then some (except for the dancing… I don’t dance).
10) I will NOT crash an ambulance- …Every year I make this resolution… and every year I never seem to keep it. Maybe this year will be different.
9) I will NOT become depressed-… Right… I have about as much control over that as I do over the weather… but hey… it’s a goal.
8) I will NOT become an alcoholic-… Sons of alcoholics have a 90% chance of becoming alcoholics themselves… so I’m limiting my drinking to the holidays and special occasions… ok and maybe one or two nights out.
7) I will NOT lose the mortgage money playing poker-… I will win it… hehehehe.
6) I will NOT be consumed by the corporate giant Match.com-… no matter how bad it becomes… nor how desperate I am… I will not send more than 5 winks a day… otherwise I’ll be on there all day hitting that damn refresh button.
5) I will NOT dance the happy dance when Hurricane Season starts June 1-… I won’t do any dancing… however I will be throwing a party with a keg the night before as I pack my bag and begin Hurricane watch 2006.
4) I will NOT quit my job- … as stressful as it may be… and as insane as it may get… I have to remember I have responsibilities and a family… and I MUST provide for them.
3) I will NOT fail in New Years Resolutions 3 or 4- … in case you missed it… read it here.
2) I will NOT bring any violence home-… contrary to popular belief… I’m really not a violent person… I can become very very very angry though… and anger management was a major goal for me back in 1999… and so far I’m six years without a furious rampage at home… four years out of the home (that therapist ya know…)… so let’s keep it rolling.
1) I will NOT give away another piece of my heart-… How much more is there to give away anyway? If it was in quarters, well I’m done already… Christine has a piece… Pudding has a piece… The Steff has a piece… and of course Yum has a piece… so what’s left??? Maybe it’s divided into eighths…
So those are the things I will NOT be doing in 2006… with my luck I’ll end up doing them all and then some (except for the dancing… I don’t dance).
Ok, I know it’s late and I should be hard at work on the list of things not to do next year… but I found at IdentityMIA - Mishaps of the Internet an old study I had seen years ago and loved… go check it out… unless your a true believer… in which case just move on and buy some more carrots for the reindeer.
I have a new tenant renting my blog space. Everyone give a nice loud howdy to One Man Bandwith coming to you live in English… from China!!! Yes… he’s an American Professor blogging his way over the Great Walls. So please, show him some American love and go check out his adventures in the next economic super power of the world. Thanks!
10) Quit smoking- yes… it may be my lowest priority of things to do… but I’ve been telling myself every year is the last year now for five years. Maybe if I didn’t make it my lowest priority I’d be able to do it.
9) Lose weight- not sure how to try to do this again this year… but maybe I can get motivated to avoid the constant and consistent fast food and make some time for the gym. I have a gym membership… unfortunately it’s so old it was chiseled into a stone slab similar to the Ten Commandments. Yeah… I definitely need to update that photo.
8) Spend more time with my family-… right… anyway…
7) Go back to therapy-… or some form of it. My former therapist won’t want to see me anymore… but he was nice enough to drop the charges after I destroyed his office and nearly put him through a plate glass window. Maybe if the therapy would have worked… that wouldn’t have happened… so who’s fault was it anyway? See… this is why he doesn’t like me anymore.
6) I’m going to win the World Series of Poker-… right… look, this is a list of the top things I should do… but for this one, I’ll be happy with just a seat at the table and to avoid being the first person busted out.
5) I’m taking my son to New Hampshire-… I have a beloved aunt who lives in New Hampshire. She has unfortunately only seen DJ once… primarily because of the distances involved. So this spring, I’m taking him to see her… because besides the guilt trip she gave me last night about it… I do miss New Hampshire.
4) I’m going to deal with Officer Crumb-… yes… I have been EXTREMELY nice so far… but if he even attempts to play the same crap in the new year as he did last year with The Steff… well, just go see number 7… only I WILL put him through the plate glass window… and seeing as how this is a picture she sent me of her throwing darts at him… I tend to think she won’t be protesting.
3) I’m going to deal with Louis finally-… see number 4, then read number 7, times it by 10… yes… Louis is done… he just doesn’t know it yet…
2) I’m going to be less violent and less aggressive this year-… really… after I do number 3 and number 4… I think I’ll become a Buddhist and find some inner peace. Maybe then I can get a date. Buddhists aren’t celibate are they?
1) The one thing this year I swear I’ll do is finish ONE of my book ideas- …I want to get it done and get it published… maybe not by a real publisher… but if I have to do it myself so be it. Bottom line… my number one goal is to break down the wall with a sledgehammer and smash it into bits and pieces. Then I’ll become that Buddhist… as long as they don’t have to be celibate… otherwise I’ll have to find some other inner peace religion that allows sex. How about those mormons? I can live in Salt Lake City… really I could.
So that’s what I WANT to do for 2006… maybe I should make a list of things to avoid too while I’m at it.
9) Lose weight- not sure how to try to do this again this year… but maybe I can get motivated to avoid the constant and consistent fast food and make some time for the gym. I have a gym membership… unfortunately it’s so old it was chiseled into a stone slab similar to the Ten Commandments. Yeah… I definitely need to update that photo.
8) Spend more time with my family-… right… anyway…
7) Go back to therapy-… or some form of it. My former therapist won’t want to see me anymore… but he was nice enough to drop the charges after I destroyed his office and nearly put him through a plate glass window. Maybe if the therapy would have worked… that wouldn’t have happened… so who’s fault was it anyway? See… this is why he doesn’t like me anymore.
6) I’m going to win the World Series of Poker-… right… look, this is a list of the top things I should do… but for this one, I’ll be happy with just a seat at the table and to avoid being the first person busted out.
5) I’m taking my son to New Hampshire-… I have a beloved aunt who lives in New Hampshire. She has unfortunately only seen DJ once… primarily because of the distances involved. So this spring, I’m taking him to see her… because besides the guilt trip she gave me last night about it… I do miss New Hampshire.
4) I’m going to deal with Officer Crumb-… yes… I have been EXTREMELY nice so far… but if he even attempts to play the same crap in the new year as he did last year with The Steff… well, just go see number 7… only I WILL put him through the plate glass window… and seeing as how this is a picture she sent me of her throwing darts at him… I tend to think she won’t be protesting.
3) I’m going to deal with Louis finally-… see number 4, then read number 7, times it by 10… yes… Louis is done… he just doesn’t know it yet…
2) I’m going to be less violent and less aggressive this year-… really… after I do number 3 and number 4… I think I’ll become a Buddhist and find some inner peace. Maybe then I can get a date. Buddhists aren’t celibate are they?
1) The one thing this year I swear I’ll do is finish ONE of my book ideas- …I want to get it done and get it published… maybe not by a real publisher… but if I have to do it myself so be it. Bottom line… my number one goal is to break down the wall with a sledgehammer and smash it into bits and pieces. Then I’ll become that Buddhist… as long as they don’t have to be celibate… otherwise I’ll have to find some other inner peace religion that allows sex. How about those mormons? I can live in Salt Lake City… really I could.
So that’s what I WANT to do for 2006… maybe I should make a list of things to avoid too while I’m at it.
