So everybody knows Poppy moved to New York, right?

Well here’s a quick recap of our recent adventures in moving…

Dumplings

Now in my defense, I had worked an overnight in addition to my regular day tour before leaving on this trip.  Additionally, I had not really eaten any true food of substance… but I know that Cracker Barrel can usually be found off an Interstate on the route we were going.  So I held out for a little piece of heaven…

Yes, that’s right folks, there off exit 15 of I-91 at the Cracker Barrel on Whiting Farms Road we got our grub on with meatloaf, sugar cured ham, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, fried apples, and the scrumptious chicken and dumplings.  I was quite the satisfied diner.  The service was quick, the meal was very good, and the price was quite righteous as well ($20 for both of us) so I was a happy camper.

Here’s the thing about the Cracker Barrel dining experience though… it’s like a ride at Disney World.  It starts and ends with you in a retail store.  So of course, on the way out, we grabbed some of their country goods (chocolate covered sunflower seeds, apple cinnamon snacks, 10 flavors of thin sticks) to bring with us into the country of France.  With those purchases, effectively doubling our original bill, we went about on our merry way.

Scenic Views

Now I have to be honest, I know I am probably public enemy number one in the State of Massachusetts because of my vocal criticism against their cereal hating Representative Edward Markey.  As if that wasn’t proof enough that Massachusetts is a completely screwed up state, allow me to provide to you exhibit B.  This is what you see at one of their ”Scenic View” rest areas:

Yep… that’s exactly what you think it is.  A mound of fucking dirt.  Really now Massachusetts… can’t you do any better?  Obviously not.  So I went to great lengths to make it at least a LITTLE better.  This meant I had to climb up onto a friggin’ picnic table.  If you’re going to advertise a scenic view… then make it a scenic view and not such a fucking eyesore.

I swear that state has issues.

France

So after this little stopover I slept while Poppy drove on into France.  We had a very nice dinner at a very scenic Friendly’s that Poppy totally paid for.  It’s nice to be a kept Dawg.  Really.

Then we went to Poppy‘s friends house where we spent the night… which I would recount here… delicious lava cake bite by bite… but I know that at some point Poppy will do so for your utter enjoyment.  I will freely and openly say though that it was a very good night’s sleep.

Hauling It

The next morning was the fun part.  Getting the truck and then getting the stuff.  For whatever reason… we ended up leaving later than I think we intended to.  However… nothing says good morning like an apple raising homemade muffin.  Quite scrumptious.  So we went and got the truck from a place that looked… well… pretty damn shady.  The truck we go though was pretty sweet and pretty damn newish…

Yes, that is Sacajawea on the side.  I think she probably has only been in France through the power of living vicariously through U-Haul.  With the truck in our possession we went to Starbucks.  I know… I’m a traitor… but when in France you will drink what Frank drinks.  If I ever do find Frank though, I assure you I will convert him to the power of Dunkin’ Donuts.  Really.

From there… it was on to the Poppy Cave… where I was worked like a fucking Dawg…

… all while the boss lady supervised and flipped me off…

,,, well okay… so she did alot of the work too.  Once we got the load into the truck and secured as best we could with $3.96 cord… we went and had lunch at McDonald‘s due to a low blood sugar condition.  Once we got that out of the way… we were on the road for the Big Apple!!!

Massachusetts Again

I have to mention this… because ultimately it pissed me off.  Once again, at Exit 15 off I-91 on the corner of Whiting Farms Road and Old Westfield Road is a Shell gas station.  This station is advertised from the Interstate.  We gassed up there on the way up, and again on the way back.  However, on the way back was the first time I was looking to use the restroom at the gas station.  Now besides the fact the two clerks were inbred morons who didn’t understand what the term “restroom” meant, it turns out they in fact do not have one for the general public.  Right… how stupid is that?  Of course there was one behind a door marked Employees Only… but that’s where these two geniuses undoubtedly dump their baby batter to the latest issue of Cow Fancy and the Amber Crombie and Fitch catalog.

The solution according to the two inbreds was to either use the restroom (or bathroom as they called it once they figured out what I meant by restroom) at the Friendly‘s next door or at the Barnes and Noble across the street.  How sad is it that the illiterate have to direct Interstate travellers to a bookstore to use a restroom?  I’m not even going to get into the whole shitty repaving and grading job of Old Westfield Road that Mass DOT is doing (HINT: There is no line in the middle… so obviously this four lane road suddenly has become four lanes travelling west because Massachusetts drivers are SO smart)… but it is a MASSive migraine for people who know HOW to drive.

I swear… that state has issues.

Paws Down

We finally got paws down to the Bitch‘s garage at around 9:00pm.  We offloaded the truck by 10:30pm.  Now is where shit went ape.  We needed to return the truck because parking it by us is near impossible, and a commercial truck on local residential streets shouldn’t be there between midnight and 6:00am.  U-Haul has a 888 number to call so you can find out where to return the truck.  Here’s a surprise… after 5:00pm no one answers that phone.  A call to the regular 800 number revealed that we should just find the closest one in the phone book and drop the keys in the overnight slot.  So my father, who loves and adores the Yellow Pages more than James Earl Jones found the closest one.  No problem right?

It turns out that building was for sale.  A quick call to the control center gave me three more options.

Option number one was turned into a laundromat.

Option number two was turned into a liquor store.

Option number three actually had trucks parked there!  So finally, at 12:30 am I parked the truck… and went to look for the key drop box.  Guess what?  No drop box.  So we did the only thing I could think of… we parked the truck and took the keys with us.  Poppy would deal with it in the morning since I had to be in at work.  We got home around 1:00am.

Of course… it couldn’t be THAT simple.  It turns out that location is “not in service” as a U-Haul dealer.  So after work we had to go bring the truck back to yet ANOTHER location.  Needless to say… I was pissed.  I was even MORE pissed when I had to put another $30 worth of gas in the tank I wouldn’t have had to put in had it not been for all the driving the night before, and pay $16 for 3 blankets that were supposedly missing.

Yeah.  Not happy.

An Open Letter To U-Haul

Dear U-Haul,

While I appreciate the newness of a number of your vehicles, I am happy they go when I press on the gas, I love the fact they stop when I press on the brake, I really think you need to do something about the whole return process.  Really.  Let’s just print the address of a real open location on the paper you gave us instead of printing an 888 number no one answers after 5:00pm.

Fucking duh.

Sincerely,
NYCWD

In Conclusion

In conclusion this morning the professional movers will be moving the items to the 4th floor apartment where we dwell.  So today will be a final move of sorts… and after that gets done… we’ll be busy decorating and putting Poppy‘s desk together.

So yeah… moving… it’s an adventure.

I think I’d almost prefer babysitting.