Dear BlogHer10 Attendees,
It is once again that time when a horde of estrogen charged women and wistfully wishing for more estrogen men descend on a city to feel womanly and rawr with their bad drunken selves. I think this kind of bonding is great. We men do it on a semi-more regular basis with a lot less fanfare and at a cheaper price at this place we call “The Bar”, but to each their own.
This year you will be invading New York City, which happens to be where I live. Now while I highly recommend you follow Avitable’s Guide To BlogHer so that perhaps you’ll actually get more out of the experience than some cheap swag, and I highly recommend the PoppyCede’s Guide To Subways so that perhaps you’ll get to actually take home that cheap swag, I have a few things that I want to offer myself…
NYCWD’s Common Sense Guide To BlogHer For The Common Sense Challenged
- Watch where you are walking. I know this might seem simplistic, but the problem is most people become entranced by the height of our concrete and steel buildings… and inadvertently step in front of a bus a la The Final Destination. If this happens, 911 will undoubtedly be called for you but we make no guarantees to your survivability
- Tip appropriately. The recommended NYC tipping rate is 18-25% of your bill… including the tax. If you can’t do simple math then try using the advanced feature on all your smartphones called The Calculator. Failure to submit the appropriate tip my result in verbal and physical harm. If this happens, 911 will undoubtedly be called for you but we make no guarantees for your freedom
- Know your place. Now I know in your minds this event is a huge deal, and in your minds you’re taking the city by storm! So if there are 2,500 BlogHer attendees, that’s a whopping 0.0001% of the daytime NYC population. Your number will rise a little bit in the evening, but not that much. Keep this in mind when you are asking for directions (use actual NYC names instead of the fabricated Bloggy names) and undoubtedly taking photos (because even though public view is legally allowable, people may not want to be either inconvenienced by your 30 minute pose while the camera phone focuses or captured by your constant clicking). Failure to be cognizant of this may result in a pedestrian collision or your camera being smashed by a raging commuter. If this happens, 911 will undoubtedly be called for you but we make no guarantees for amnesty of the required photo permits.
- DO NOT THREATEN THE CROC GUY WITH NEGATIVE BLOG POSTS IN EXCHANGE FOR SWAG! That is called extortion. We already have an organization that does that. You may have heard them. They’re called the Mafia. Failure to adhere to this may result in Tommy Two Tones and Chuckles visiting you on an elevator. If this happens, well, 911 won’t be called for you but we can guarantee that you will become fast friends with your new room mate… Jimmy Hoffa.
- If you have a traumatic or medical emergency, call 911 and NOT 311. This shit happens all the time. Some tourist comes in, gets stabbed, and says, “Oh, I’ll just call the City of New York!” and dials the wrong number… and then they die. However just remember that when the ambulance arrives after calling the correct number, they’re going to take you to the hospital. That’s what they do because they are in essence an extension of the healthcare system. The ambulances will come in different sizes and shapes, but are all equipped equally and the personnel have the same training. Don’t worry about insurance or who’s going to pay for it, because ultimately your health comes first. Unless you’re Canadian in which case you’ll need to pay in cash upfront because your government won’t pay us for treating their citizens. We’ll also take Visa, MasterCard, and AMEX but there is a %5 additional service fee. Yes Canada, we blame you for our broken ass healthcare system.
In conclusion, please have a great time, thanks for coming, and be sure to take your trash with you when you leave.
*SMOOCHES* *BEOTCHES*
-NYCWD
