Fresh off the Clearly, You’re Retarded episode last night, I’ve decided to relay this little story about my day yesterday because Poppy said it was interesting…

I got called to the Psych Courts for a crew with a patient waiting to see the “judge”.  Its important to understand that the “court” is really a conference room and the “judge” is really someone with a psychiatrist history and knowledge of the mental health code who gets appointed by the director of the region.  The patient was in the commitment process for failure to take his meds and he had an aggressive/violent history.  Needless to say, he was being escorted and was under physical restraints.  Normally, we just wheel the patient on the stretcher into the room and wait while the proceeding formalities take place and then return the patient while the paperwork gets processed to whatever their fate may be.

So when I get there the crew explains to me that the clerk had told them the judge wanted the patient unrestrained and seated at the conference table.  I spoke to the clerk myself, and he understood exactly what I was saying when I explained that was not the best idea and we should proceed as normal.  The judge however had his own ideas and came out to explain them to me.

Judge: I want the restraints removed and the patient seated at the table like a human being!

Me: I understand that is your request, however the patient has a violent history, has not been medicated, and is a flight risk to say the least.

Judge: I am the ruling authority here in my courtroom and I will decide what will and will not happen!

Me: Actually, you have no authority over me or my crew but I am more than willing to release the patient into your custody.  Just sign your name here and print it underneath.

This is when the fool did just that.  So I nodded to the officer who unrestrained the patient.  We helped the patient off the stretcher and into the courtroom.  The judge followed with the clerk and someone else who closed the door behind them but not before I heard the judge make a snide comment about, “That brute!”.  I motioned to the crew to stop making their stretcher and looked at the clock on the wall.  Four minutes after the door had closed the screaming began.

Me: So what do you feel like for lunch?

Officer: Huh?

Me: Lunch.  I think after all this aggravation the least I can do is buy you lunch.

This is when the court officers finally could be seen running down the hallway.  It took them another 15 seconds or so to get into the room.  When they finally called is back in the judge was against a wall cradling his arm.  On his right hand was the elliptical imprint of a mouth with teeth mark.

Judge: Take him back!

I looked down on the desk and saw the Commitment paperwork had still not been signed.  Rules are rules… right?

Me: Your going to need to sign that, and print your name underneath before I can do that.

I got the glare.  Begrudgingly he signed the paperwork, I called my crew in, and we once again got the patient onto the stretcher with the help of the officer we had brought along.  In the end though I felt bad even though the judge had been dismissive and ambiently stupid.  I gave him an ice pack, and let him go for the ride so he could get his rabies shots.  He’ll get the bill Monday.

The lesson to be learned… you can be as intelligent as Einstein or as dense as a log… but if you don’t have the wisdom as to when or when not to exercise your intelligence or admit the lack of it when a “brute” may have a better idea… then you are doomed.