Decisions.

I make a lot of decisions on a daily basis in what I do.

I think alot about decisions I’ve made in the past, particularly in the decisions I made when it came to DJ.  When I say alot… I mean ALOT.

I wonder about the decisions I made that at the time I thought was the best decision I could make with the options I had. I wonder about the decisions I made that at the time I thought was the most amicable. I wonder about the decisions I made that I thought were the “best for everyone” in that moment. 

Now to be honest, it isn’t like I decided to do some sort of outrageous stunt like the father who decided that balloon-boy-hiding-in-the-attic-before-blowing-up-dad-on-CNN-and-puking-on-Good-Morning-America was a good idea.  Nor did I make the decision as a mother did to write-a-scathing-blog-post-about-a-government-agency-to-get-paid-through-either-a-publisher-or-through-traffic-for-ads-only-to-be-proven-to-have-fabricated-the-accusations-by-9-video-cameras-released-to-the-world.  The decisions I’m talking about are the decisions we make everyday in how we interact with others, how we prioritize our bill paying, and how we determine the happiness and quality (or lack thereof) of our lives.

I wonder if I had indeed chosen differently… if somewhere along the way I had made a different decision… if in fact I would not wake up most mornings fighting for a reason to get out of bed. The doubt creeps in… like a monster creeping out from under the bed in a veil of fog.

There is however one decision that I made with no thoughts of possible regret or misgivings.

The decision to blow the mortgage payment on costumes, candy, pumpkins, and to get a smoke machine that first Halloween in Pennsylvania.

Sure I was slightly financially irresponsible.  Sure I neglected to do the “right thing” by the institution that month.  I admit this.  I worked extra shifts to make up for it… but the payment was late.  I know this.  I am okay with it. 

I am okay with it because Halloween, at the time, was my most favorite holiday.  I loved Halloween more than I loved even Groundhog’s Day.  Halloween was a big deal to me.  It was also a big deal to DJ and the Wolves.  So I chose irresponsibility to bring joy to that house in Pennsylvania.

Out of all the decisions I think that may have been wrong, and all the decisions I know to have been wrong… that is the one decision I am totally proud of being wrong on.

Damn the man.

Save the Empire.

Trick or treat safely.