I was raised as a member of the Roman Catholic Church from birth in according with my patriarchal grandmother’s mandate when my mother (a Protestant) married my father (Roman Catholic).  I attended parochial school from Kindergarten straight through high school.  I was an altar server for 12 years and spent 13 years working in the church as a sacristan.  To say I have spent the majority of life surrounded by faith would be an understatement.

Yet, I have repeatedly stomped the shattered pieces of my faith into the ground for quite some time.  Between the numerous Church scandals and the events on that clear September morning, it became relatively easy to turn away from the formality of faith and into a different mindset where the reported to be greater being and I were mano-a-mano.  The fact that my job is without a doubt acting against His supposed divine will didn’t really help settle relations between us, but perhaps just antagonized it further.

It was for these reasons that baptizing DJ was never high on my priority list.  Although I know he was baptized by a priest in the hospital, I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not having taken the time to do it myself as Pudding had wanted.  According to faith, by not be baptized his original sin would not have been removed and admission to heaven would not be possible.

Today is All Soul’s Day for Roman Catholics.  Today is the day where prayers are offered for the intercession of souls in purgatory who have not yet made it to heaven.  Some people mistakenly believe it is the day to offer prayers to the souls for some sort of earthly help, but I assure you it is the souls who need our help.  Although I still find myself at odds with the concept of a benevolent higher being, today I will journey into St. Patrick’s Cathedral to light a candle and I will actually pray that the last minute baptism counted… and in case it didn’t that my son’s soul be allowed to rest in peace… and that he not be left alone in the darkness.

Although it is a compromise of my current beliefs, and can be viewed as hypocritical by many… these are the types of things we do for the ones we love… whether it be in life… or thereafter.