I wasn’t in “a good place” to do the alligator analysis, but I had to pipe in with an “AMEN” to your myspace comment… kisses!

I am definitely a myob kind of person when it comes to my friends.  I’ll listen and console but I will not put my friendships at risk.

And it always seems to me that involving yourself in their problems almost always ends a friendship.  Nine out of ten THEY will get pissed at you...because ya know, even though they ask for advice, even though they appear to want you to help, they will resent you for it...accuse you of trying to run their lives and meddling.

Been there done it twice.  I didn’t need to go for the 3rd strike.  I like my friends.  I want to keep them.

People have to fix their very own selves.

You are feeling miserable because of a situation with a friend you can’t help or fix.  I can’t see an all’s well that ends well here.

See, in trying to help a friend, you end up needing help to help.  Vicious cycle.  Seriously.

It’s a tough thing to be there and offer advice - and not get yourself emotionally invested in the outcome one way or the other.  I’d say for someone like you, it’s almost impossible.

It is, however, also a tough thing to stand by and do nothing.  To say nothing.  To sit and wait.  That helplessness when your natural instinct is to “fix” can be overwhelming and disorienting.

Sometimes we have to try to push past what comes “naturally” for us in an effort to grow, evolve, do better.  And sometimes we have to accept that we are the way we are for a reason - that maybe the world needs us to be exactly how we were made.

I’m not sure which is this case here for you.

I would argue that you are not being Ivan as you are not being asked (directly, anyway) to help.  It sounds to me like your friends are in the process of learning that actions have consequences.  As a fellow “friend-saver”, I have learned that there is a point where my involvement only muddies the water.  The key is to figure out where that point is.  Good luck.

BTW, do you still need the cereal?

I’m not gonna get into this one..

But I will say, that’s a totally hot picture of you.

Sometimes the best kind of “help” a friend can give is not advice, but just being there and really listening to a friend’s heartaches or troubles.  I had to learn this the hard way myself.  Fortunately, I did not lose my BFF, but it strained our relationship—mainly because she knows I despise her lazy husband.

Sometimes you just need to step back, and let your friend come to you. Offer your ear, and don’t try to fix the situation.

My husband is kind of the same way. When he tries to “fix” things, I usually end up saying, “I don’t need you to fix it, I just need you to listen!”

Friends come to me for advice a lot, too. I always say what I think, but rarely do they ever take my advice. Mostly, people are going to do what they want, anyway. Some part of them obviously wants your opinion, but they’ll do whatever, in their own time.

I have been the advisor too many times to count with my sister. She always calls me-drunk and sobbing- for advice on a man or her kids. I tell her EXACTLY what I think and where her own choices were wrong. And she does the OPPOSITE! Then she gets drunk again and calls me , sobbing, “Why didn’t I listen to you?”

After my Hubs bailed her ass out, I gave up on the late night phone calls! Sometimes you just have to step back-for your own sanity. YOU are not responsible for ANYONE else’s actions!

Not at all. I am simply that this photo is striking. A really striking photo is a rare from anyone regardless of their natural consistant hotness level.

Alrighty then… I came back because of Metalmom’s comment, and then discovered Luin’s comment.

I’m tellin’ right here and now, that they’re both correctomundo!  Honestly, I’m not joking now, my BFF used to do the same thing as MM’s sister.  That shit gets very old.  So, you listen, don’t really offer any advice (because she’s not going to listen to you anyway), and try your best to let it go.

I know it’s in your blood to save people, I think it’s in mine too, although I could do a better job… neither one of us can save someone from themselves.  You know that, right?

Now, on to the photo… Luin has an eye, an eye for art, creativity, and HOTNESS!

I think I’ll shut up now.

Personally, I just tell people that it is ultimately their responsibility/decision.  I just assure them that no matter what their decision I am their friend because really that is all you can do is just be a friend.  (at least that is what I think)

*disclaimer- as someone also accustomed to helping people in my profession- it is really hard not to dispense my “expert” advice.