We are told not to be silent about things such as domestic violence.  Why would we then be silent about stopping the violence against people who identify as GLBTQ* or GLBTQ supporters?  I just don’t get this.  This is a mixed message.  “Break the silence, end the violence” is the motto I choose to follow.

And I wasn’t horribly bullied, just teased.  The moment I chose to talk back to the people teasing me was the moment that those people (whose names I remember but won’t call out here stopped teasing me.  I expect it just shocked the shit out of them that I opened my mouth to speak.

There is a time and place for silence, but I don’t think that this is that time or place.

(Just to be clear, the Q stands for Questioning.  Not everyone has figured themselves out yet, and where I come from we recognize the Q.)

What the silence is also an indication of all the voices of those people who do not have the courage or ability to speak out - and to be open with themselves.

The silence is also for those people who are in the closet - who can’t speak because of the bullies - this is not to be silent and not talk about the crimes.

When people speak up for themselves, or OTHERS, for that matter, right away, it shows they have self confidence and won’t be bullied. That can be so impossibly hard for children to do, and it’s easy for kids to fall into the “Mob” mentality.

I think bullying also has to do with the way a kid’s raised. We have to talk about certain things with them in a serious manner, even if something presents itself like a big joke, say a comedy show or a sitcom. We have plenty of opportunity for examples in our society to say to our kids, “That’s what lifestyle that person wants, who are we to say different? Just as WE want to live the way we want, and nobody can persecute us for it. Live and let live.” That’s how I raised my kids, I had “Zero Tolerance” for intolerance, and I must say, they’re very tolerant and open-minded people and didn’t bully or get bullied in school.

I’m always surprised at how intolerant even some of my so-called “friends” (acquaintances, really) are, or my husbands friends.  I do not ignore it, I always speak up. I love the chance to roll my eyes at an ignorant person and tell them what I think is stupid about what they said. Needless to say, I’ve lost a lot of “friends” that way and I say, “Good fucking RIDDANCE”. I don’t need some ignorant redneck in my life, who says ridiculous and embarrassing things. I would never closely associate with someone who’s a bigot.

Silence is always something I consider to be a form of acquiescence.

Wow.  A totally different take on the whole silence thing, & I’ve got to say - makes perfect sense.

Well said.

I think it’s amazing that you found your voice yourself.  That’s rare.

It took me a long, long time to find my own voice.  And to be honest, I still resent like hell the people who stood by “silently” - claiming they didn’t want to “make it worse”.

Thanks for this post darlin’.  I took a lot away from this that we can talk to the boys about.  There’s still so much work to do in our schools on both sides of the border.
Fortunately, there are some really inspirational stories too.  Like this one: http://bootcampfx.blogspot.com/2008/04/inspiration.html

Well said.  I couldn’t agree more.

Well done. I have been silent on and off for most of my life. Can’t comment much more at this time. But your post has the gears in my head turning quite a bit. Thanks

Anything at all that raises awareness is goodness.

I agree.  Silence doesn’t do that trick.

I was bullied for most of jr high years and on and off during high school. Even into my mid 30’s I was bullied. Kids do it because they want to look cool. Adults do it just to be mean.  I found a different crowd to hang out with, fought back with words to those who were bullying me and finally, for the first time in over 20 years I have not been bullied for going on 2 years.

Making your voice heard is the only way to solve any problem.

I think you’re missing the point.

It’s about raising awareness by doing something unexpected. It’s about making the kids around you realized that you can’t talk to them because you are dead, a victim of a hate crime. Agreeing to keep silent for a day is a way of showing your belief that bullying and intolerance is NOT ok. It’s not acquiescing or being passive at all. It’s exactly the opposite.

I’ve been the victim of bullies my entire life. I was a lower middle class fat gay choir nerd. Do you know what it would have meant to me as a 12 year old to find out that there were other people around me who were struggling with the same issues, or would have been supportive of me had they known I was gay?

Do you consider peaceful sit-in protests to be ineffective?

My Senior year we did a similar “awareness campaign” regarding drunk driving. A handful of students (myself included) were picked to participate. We painted black tears on our face and weren’t allowed to speak to anyone all day. There was a smashed up car on the front lawn of the school. Every 12 minutes (the statistic at that time of teens killed in Alcohol-related accidents) the sound of a car crash was played over the intercom. By the end of the day nearly everyone in the school was in tears.

Most effective scare tactic ever. Our class of 340 has only had 1 alcohol related death (even now 16 years later). The year before has had 9.

These campaigns really do work.

There seems to be a disconnect here. Your post even points out the cards that the students hand out to others explaining their participation. Is that not visual? Is that not something tangible that gets handed to someone and forces them to analyze their own feelings? A classroom full of silent students is unnerving. You seem to be mistaking this “silence” for cowardice. It’s exactly the opposite.

Think of the students who are participating, who are experiencing a metaphorical taste of what it’s like to not be able to talk about things that matter to them.

If I’m not mistaken, you didn’t grow up gay. Being bullied for being fat is vastly different from the subtle hatred you get from being gay. People who would otherwise never tease you for your weight have no qualms about fag jokes, especially if they don’t know you’re gay.  Had my school participated in this day of silence, I would have known who I could trust. I would have been exposed to the groups of people who were either gay themselves or friendly to the idea.

Why? Because they were participating in this event. Actively being silent.

They are speaking up by NOT speaking up. It’s irony. It’s also effective, despite your protestations. Do a google search for the brou-ha-ha that happened in Lincoln Nebraska over this event.

For that matter, look through the materials on the dayofsilence.org website and see how many schools are participating. Every person on that list is one more person who is actually doing something to make a difference.

I understand that you think we should be screaming from the rooftops and yelling our protests, but we’re talking about a program that is targeting teens and pre-teens who may not be strong enough to find that voice. I know from experience that it is hard to be loud when the entire world is seemingly disapproving of your existence.

Shouldn’t that be what we do all the other 364 days of the year? Of course stick up, stick up every day, not just one - the one day is to show acknowledgment silently for those people who are afraid to speak out.

The silence is a wink and a knod, silently, as many would prefer it that way that we understand their pain and know why they are kiding. It is saying that we love, and accept them - on their terms.