Decisions.  Decisions are part of my daily life.  My job requires me to make decisions, and other people depend on me to make the right ones for their well being.  When it came to my personal life, well I made decisions there too.  While they may not have always produced the results I desired, I still made them with the best possible outcome in mind.

I made some very conscious decisions when it came to DJ, and more specifically when it came to Pudding.  Its true that when she decided to leave me, we talked about it but I did not put up much of a fight.  Its true that I helped her move back to the city.  Its true that I had chicken soup delivered to her girlfriend on her behalf.  Its true that I tried to give her everything she asked for that I possibly could… and even sometimes when I couldn’t I still made sure she had what she needed.

I did all this because I consciously decided that I would never use him as a pawn. I decided I would make every reasonable attempt to keep our relationship as amicable as possible, for not only him but for the other kids too.  There are those who thought I was too reasonable, and that I would often do things that were beyond being reasonable.  Maybe that’s true, but I never thought of it that way.  He was a momma’s boy… just like I am.  So whatever it was I was doing for her, I was doing for him.

To be honest and just, I’m sure she put up with things from me as well.  My work schedule was not the greatest, my energy level was rarely where it should have been, I really could never decide on dinner, and I did spend 6 weeks away two years ago in the south for both hurricanes Katrina and Rita.  Let’s face it, I’m also pretty eccentric with my love for games and toys at the ripe old age of 32… and most recently my cereal obsession has undoubtedly been the cause of some concern.  Yeah, I’m less than ideal.

As a parent you need to make decisions, and a lot of times they can be rougher than what’s for dinner.  There is plenty of room for doubt, and wondering “What if…?” Yet at the end of the day, when you’re alone in your bed, snuggled up to a stuffed green ogre doll, the only weapon against that doubt you may have is that you made those decisions with the purest of intentions.

Some nights its enough… other nights it HAS to be enough.