There have been eleven 21sts of the month since June of last year.  This photo was actually taken on Mother’s Day of 2007.  Those were good times… and I don’t mean that facetiously.

While there are a lot of things different… the fact I still think about it everyday hasn’t changed.

While I can laugh and joke again… the fact is I’m still on a seesaw between stages 2 and 4 and it can happen at the most inopportune times.

While I have moved forward… the fact is I haven’t moved on.

While I know I am supported and loved by many… there are just times I need to be left alone.

While I know things seem to be so one-sided… the fact is I’m striving to find the balance.

In a month and a day… the year of “firsts” will be over.

Supposedly it’s the hardest year of them all… and I often get the feeling that after it I should be “fixed”.  I highly doubt that’s going to happen.  I still get twisted over the sounds of helicopters from that clear September day from almost 7 years ago.  I still see the gray bloated faces in my dreams from those September weeks almost 3 years ago.  I still hear the last thing he said to me that bright sunny June day almost a year ago… “I love you”

I love you too buddy.

Miss you.

Alot.