Awhile ago I went to see the venerable Kevin Smith with my friends KC and Feathah.  On that fateful day we met in mid-town and departed from where KC says he works (it was a running joke that no one knows what he does within the music industry… but now I’m really beginning to wonder).  Prior to him “getting off” he had me go to the Time Warner Center for something called a Strawberry Nirvana from a place known as Jamba Juice that was in the basement and under the stairs. 

Little did I know the deliciousness that would envelope me when I ordered one of the same.  Basically it is an all-natural fruit smoothie type of drink.  The ingredients go into one of numerous blenders, gets blended up, and then because of its thickness it literally gets slapped out of the mixer into a cup.  They offer it in six different sizes, and also serve them with optional herbal “boosts”.  It.  Was.  Good.

In fact, it was so good that I wanted more.  What stopped me was the fact that the Time Warner Center isn’t really where I normally am… and parking over there is a real big bitch (as compared to being “just a bitch” parking in the rest of the city) so it didn’t seem likely.  One day I had this novel idea… let me look it up on the internetz and see if they have any other locations.  Holy guacamole!  There are over 30!  Happy day!!!  So I went to the one downtown… and they even had a map of all their locations in the city!  How awesome is that!

Thus began my Jamba Juice addiction.  While Strawberry Nirvana was divine, and the Chocolate Moo’d was damn good, I am all about the Peach Pleasure.  Its fruit, its filling, so it HAS to be good for you, right?  I mean, the damn thing costs $7 a Power Size (their version of large… fucking yuppies can’t just call it large… so they deserve me holding it up with both hands and screaming, “I have the Power!” before exiting the store, k.) so there’s got to be some sort of secret to it, right?

560 calories.  That’s the secret.  One Power Size is a whopping 560 calories of fruit, ice, and milk.  This is what I discovered yesterday while I was at the W. 85 Street and Broadway one waiting for the blend to finish before they slapped it out of the container into my cup.  Considering that most days when I’m in a Jamba mood I have at least 2… and on bad late days (like yesterday) I would normally hit them 3 times… its no wonder I have not seen a decrease in my size although I’m all about the healthiness when I go there.  Needless to say, I was shocked that this has MORE calories than a friggn’ Big Mac (540 calories dontcha know?), which also explains why it costs about $2 more.

So I have decided to cut back on my Jamba Juice.  I know that its 560 calories of fruit vs. 540 calories of processed beef… but it still doesn’t seem right in my mind.  No one said my mind was wrapped right.