Any movie that stars Hayden ”I Have Killed The Greatest Trilogy Of All Time With My Shitty Acting” Christensen had better have a great plot to warrant me going to see it and paying full price.  Jumper has an awesome premise… but it seems the plot went on vacation before shooting even started.  Is this a possible writer’s strike casualty?  I don’t think so.

The whole premise of the movie is that there are people out there with the ability to teleport or “jump” instantaneously from one place in the world to another.  It seems in the movie that they do this using some sort of personal wormhole they are able to open… and it also seems the further the jump the longer the “jump scar” stays in place.  Opposing the Jumpers are the Paladins, which have apparently hunted Jumpers since medieval times.  The Paladins get the blame for the whole Spanish Inquisition amongst other things.

So the story followed Hayden Christensen‘s character, David Rice, as he steals money, lives the good life, has sex with countless women across the world who are all in different time zones, and finally gets caught up with by the Paladins.  The Paladins want him dead because in their eyes, all Jumpers go bad.  By the way the movie plays out… I believe them.  In fact… I will say it now just in case there is a sequel… I am pro-Paladin.  Besides the fact that the lead Paladin Roland is played by none other than Samuel ”I got cut down by this traitorous ass” Jackson with white hair… well yeah… I want him to kill David Rice for nothing more than the pleasure of watching Wace Mindu get his revenge.

Of course, David escapes and jumps home… then to his old girlfriend (played by the fabulous Rachel Bilson who also happens to be getting the end of the Sith lightsaber in the bedroom for real… if you know what I mean) who he hooks up with once again and then he takes her to Rome.  Eventually he meets another Jumper named Griffin (played by Jamie Bell as a supporting character who was more interesting and believable than the main character) and the two of them agree to a limited “team up” on the Paladins.

Predictably the two Jumpers go at each other because Griffin is ready to sacrifice the girl, and David isn’t.  Anyway… blah blah blah… big fight… blah blah blah… David‘s mom who left him at 5 turns out to be a Paladin… blah blah blah… sequel gets set-up and Mace doesn’t get avenged… yet.

Now while I do not need every single plot point explained to me… not only would a little bit more backstory have been nice, but a likable main character would have been good too.  I walked in not caring about the characters… and walked out caring only how the Paladin was going to get down from the cave he had been dropped in.  I also know that if there is a sequel… I’ll wait for the DVD.