This is a phone conversation I had last night. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
*PHONE RINGS*
Mr. Smith: Hello?
NYCWD: Hello, is this Mr. Smith?
Mr. Smith: Yes it is.
NYCWD: Mr. Smith, this is EMT NYCWD in New York City. I am sorry to inform you that your 16 year old son John is in the emergency room at Our Lady of Misery Hospital.
Mr. Smith: Oh no! What happened? He was going to see The Smiths @ Hammerstein Ballroom!!! Is he alright???
NYCWD: Well sir, that’s really a matter of opinion at this point.
Mr. Smith: What happened?
NYCWD: He’s drunk sir.
Mr. Smith: Huh?
NYCWD: Sir, he consumed about half a liter of vodka and is intoxicated. He currently states he feels fine, but he also thinks he is Julius Caesar and is insisting that everyone wear togas and call him Emporer.
Mr. Smith: Are you fucking kidding me?
NYCWD: No sir, unfortunately I am not. I have the vomit to prove it.
Mr. Smith: What? Is this a joke? Are you kidding me?
NYCWD: I assure you sir, this is not a joke.
Mr. Smith: Is this Scary?
NYCWD: I’m sorry?
Mr. Smith: Is this Scary Jones from the Z100 morning show? Is this a phone tap??? (Phone Taps are crank call segments on the local radio station)
NYCWD: No sir, I assure you I am not Scary Jones. Your going to need to come down here to be with your 16 year old son, sir.
Mr. Smith: Are you fucking kidding me?
NYCWD: I swear on all that is holy I am not kidding you. Now please put your ass in the car and come down here.
Mr. Smith: Fine. This is fucking crazy. Wait, he was with his brother Jim who is 18 years old! Can’t he just sign the necessary papers?
NYCWD: Under normal circumstances he would with your verbal consent, however these are not normal circumstances.
Mr. Smith: Well where is Jim? I want to speak to him!
NYCWD: Normally that would be possible sir… but unfortunately after we placed John in the back of the ambulance, Jim ran away.
Mr. Smith: He did what? Are you fucking kidding me???
NYCWD: I assure you I am not. He is probably half way to Staten Island by now.
Mr. Smith: Are you sure your not Scary Jones from Z100???
*CLICK*
People wonder why kids do stupid things like drink copious amounts of alcohol before a concert.
I believe the above conversation proves its just poor genetics.
