When I was 7 years old, I got my very first Cookie Puss for a birthday cake.  For 8 consecutive years, my birthday always consisted of a homemade card from my mom with her god awful (but sweet and sentimental) poetry and a Cookie Puss ice cream cake.  In 1990, for my sixteenth birthday, I didn’t get a Cookie Puss cake.

I didn’t get a Cookie Puss cake that year because my grandmother was a floor below us, dying of cancer.  Her birthday is July 2nd, whereas mine is July 3rd so they basically went hand in hand.  That year, my entire extended family was there… and for whatever reason I got a cake with lemon filling.  In hindsight, it was a good thing since Cookie Puss only feeds 8-10… and there were at least 20 people there.  My grandmother passed on that August.

The following year, 1991, I didn’t get a Cookie Puss either because the local Carvel supposedly didn’t have any.  There were 4 of us for that occasion… because since my grandmother was no longer alive there would be no trips by my extended family, no Cookie Puss, and really I found no reason to celebrate.  That year was the year I decided I truly hated my birthday.  Little did I know the psychological scarring that not getting a Cookie Puss would have.

This year, my mom got me a Cookie Puss.  The first one I’ve had in 19 years… and it was good. I my mom.

But I still hate my birthday.

As I previously twitted, as Seattlepi.com and BelchSpeak reported, the coffee brewing corporate mongering monstrosity known as Starbucks is closing 600 “underperforming” stores.  Starbucks Gossip has the text of the actual memo sent from corporate overlords to their “partners”… of which approximately 12,000 of them will be either relocated or forced to find work elsewhere.

Starbucks, like so many corporate mongers before them, peaked but failed to maintain because they were overwrought with greed and overextended themselves.  Not only have they done this, but Starbucks in their quest for global dominance have negatively effected change on the caffeine consumption landscape… for if caffeine was the spice… then Starbucks would be House Harkonnen.  Coffee according to Starbucks was the first to break through the $4.00 barrier, quite a few years before gasoline did.  With Starbucks expansion came the closure for a number of independent coffee houses and the coffee bean became a commodity of the elite once again.

A few weeks ago I was approached by an undomiciled man outside of one of the hospitals.  He asked me for a quarter to get a cup of coffee.  I gave him a dollar and some change.  I told him if he finds anywhere in this city where you can get a cup of coffee for a quarter he should come back and tell me.  I’d then buy him lunch.  I haven’t seen him since.

So now the Starbucks Empire is starting to fall.  While the official statement cites ”a slower economy and dramatic decline in consumer confidence” as the causes of their woes, their second quarter still saw a profit of $108.7 million dollars, according to a New York Times article.  Sure, as a public company it was their weakest quarter, but that is still a PROFIT.  A company that is still turning a profit, but willing to lay off 12,000 employees during an economic slump on a quest for a bigger profit is a company that is not going to instill confidence, consumer or not, in its ability to contribute positively to our country’s well being. 

I haven’t seen McDonald‘s or Burger King make any press releases about closing stores.  More importantly, I haven’t heard a peep about the closure of any Seattle’s Best or Dunkin’ Donuts stores, so that pretty much rules out as it being a coffee industry only problem.  It’s a Starbucks problem they brought onto themselves in their greed with their overpricing, elitist attitude, and incestuous planting of stores within a block of one another… all highlighting the complete disconnection with the reality of life in America.  So how will your soy lattes save you now Howard, when your patrons can’t afford them any longer?

While it hasn’t been determined, it will be interesting to see how many of Manhattan’s 171 Starbucks are closed.  What will be more interesting is what will open in their places?

I can only hope they are all turned into Dunkin’ Donuts… with their bright orange and pink signs all over in place of that sterile green and white.

Long live the Dunkin’.

Wow.  It’s been a busy weekend.  So let me get you caught up on what’s been going on…

• So BrittCon was this weekend.  I’m sure that the other participants will have all encompassing posts with great pictures.  I think my experience is best summed up by quoting Poppy, “I went to BrittCon and all I got was this leg shot!”
• I think I also got pneumonia from Sunday’s trek in search for New York pizza… which we didn’t even get
• I now remember why I try to avoid Manhattan when not working… it’s a lot of walking
• I need to buy a pair of shorts for the summer… these jeans were killers… especially when soaked
• I will totally sell the souls of fellow bloggers to the corporate monster known as Starbucks for a stool and an ice coffee
• Karaoke in cabs is cheaper than karaoke in bars
• I totally made Cissa wet
• I found that Twitter has become so unreliable that I have to question its usefulness at all if it is unable to be providing updates in the order they were sent
• I discovered that taking a day off is not worth the aggravation when I come back
• I’ve also discovered that this city sucks for finding a place to live

We’ll now hopefully return you to your regularly scheduled boring drivel…