… just not here.

Don’t be mistaken and think that I do not know the religious significance of this day in Western Christianity.  I was an altar server for 12 years, worked in a Roman Catholic Church for 13 years, and studied religion during my brief college career.  I probably know more about the significance of Easter than probably 90% of any congregational member in attendance for the Easter Vigil mass… and more importantly I know the correct times when I should pre-light the charcoal to get that nice thick cloud of incense from the thurible, I know the number of boxes of candles to stack on each side for those coming in, I know the actual alcohol content of the sacristy wine and which wine to replace it with that will get the pre-pubescent altar servers buzzed so that they can endure the 19 straight minutes they are about to spend on their knees in a purely holy way.  I also know that this is the most important holiday on the Christian calendar irregardless of the over popularity of Christmas, and the only time during 40 days (although I heard they now made it 50 to the Pentecost as opposed to concluding the season on The Ascension) where if you do not actually attend a mass and receive the Eucharist, it is considered to be a mortal sin.  Of course if you don’t repent your mortal sins and you pass over… you’ve got a one way ticket to hell.  Don’t worry… I’ve already got my backstage passes to the barbecue down under.

The bottom line from that tirade is I know Easter.

I also know that the festive traditions of coloring eggs, seeing the Easter Bunny at the mall, breaking out a VCR to watch a corroding VHS tape of Peter Cottontail, chasing kids to bed or the “Easter Bunny may hop by without hiding eggs” before trekking to the local 24 hour pharmacies in search of chocolate bunnies and candies to add to already overflowing baskets… it’s not going to be good either.  Oh sure, I’ll do it for the same reason I find myself doing everything else… for the sake of a semblance of normalcy more for the Wolves than for any other reason.  This was not something I asked for… it was something I offered so I have no problem doing it nor regret it.

Still, the underlying moral behind Easter is change.  Change in the seasons, change in clothing, change in the religious calendar as it starts anew, and the change from death to life.  It’s that last bit that sticks in my throat because it is not the natural order of things.  Yet, at the very core beneath all the titles, certifications, and different functions… that’s my job.  To make the seeming impossible into the possible.  To go against the natural order of things and provide life where it is lost for people who I will in all likelihood never see again.

And not a day goes by when I don’t get a knot in my stomach because I wasn’t able to do it for the one person that mattered to me nine months ago today.

Change.  That’s what Easter is all about really, right?  Although I try to pretend that things haven’t changed… they have… I have.  Change will be upon me again soon… a small change at first (the fact it is a happier change is the REAL change)… then a bigger one… and then a huge one.  So yes, there is a lot of change happening and it isn’t just going to be happening during Easter.  So while there will be all this change… there is one thing that I can assure you won’t change…

I still love my buddy… still miss him badly… and I’m still buying him a chocolate bunny Saturday night.