I consider myself very lucky to have the amount of support from my family and my friends through this that I have had.  Over 400 people walked through the doors of the chapel last week between Sunday and Monday… and those are just the ones who signed the book.  The room (which was actually a double room) was lined with flowers.  The procession Tuesday morning was over a mile long.  Yet, it is my honest belief that this is not necessarily where I garnered the strength from for Tuesday morning.

When I spoke to Miss Ann Saturday night, to be honest I was still pretty dazed and numb.  She had made a mention to me of both the fact I had a large number of comments and what Adam and Amy had started for me, but I was really in no condition to log on or to even think clearly at that point.  I was on auto drive with my priorities ahead of me.

I became acutely aware of it on Monday when Pudding called me about some website taking donations.  I was dumbfounded at first… until she mentioned someone eating ice cream with Hitler.  So I knew right away who it was, and everything was fine… until I learned at the funeral home that one of her friends had jumped the proverbial gun and posted something against it on a forum.  Pudding remedied that situation, because she understands that my online life extends past MySpace.

Monday night I was walking around the room after everyone left and the cards from the flowers were being collected.  I was tired, weak, weepy, and pretty much at wits end.  I sat in one of the big oversized chairs they had, the first time I had sat for more than a minute in 2 days, and I looked over at a basket of flowers on the table.  The card was still attached, and it read “With Deepest Sympathy, Jared and Britt (Miss Britt).” I was both shocked and amazed… and somewhat invigorated enough to go through all the cards to find flowers also came from Girl Dislocated, Adam Avitable, and Poppy.  Those were the names I recognized, or those whose online identities were on the card.

So I came home Monday night and needed to write down my thoughts for the next day.  I had jotted some words down, and needed to organize them so I turned on my computer for the first time since the previous Friday.  Needless to say, my e-mail exploded.  The number of comment e-mails I had was staggering.  So after I sent one or two e-mails and organized the post you should have seen Tuesday morning (which of course b/c I was beat I never changed it from AM to PM so it showed up 12 hours late), I read the comments.

It took me an hour, but I read each and every one.  There were comments from the blogs I frequent and those who frequent mine.  There were comments from people I know in passing.  There were comments from people who I have had huge disagreements with.  There were comments from people who I do not know, and admittedly do not know me.  All of them were not just comments though, they were actions.  The action of reaching out to someone in pain, and to offer comfort in the only way that they could.

That night I slept for four hours (the car was coming at 7:00am so I was up at 6:30am) unmedicated… but peacefully.  That morning I went to the funeral home, the church, and the cemetery all unmedicated.  Considering I had practically been treating the meds like candy up until that point I’m sure people are wondering how I did it.  The answer is really simple.

I did it off the power of your prayers, your comments, and your actions of love and support.  I was enabled to do it by Miss Ann, Avitable, Bluepaintred, Mistress Yoda, Miss Britt, Amy, Poppy, Shelli, Wayne, Tug, Stephanie, Jay, Heather, Dave, Colleen, Spanky, Soda, Mr. Fab, Bonnie, KG, Crazy Lady In Vegas, Heartless Lass, Tense Teacher, Rich, Dawn, Ann, Miss, Sheila, Kellie, Jane, Annie, Luin, Ethel, RW, Tracy, Joefish, Tracy Lynn, Erratic Scribbler, Usedtobeme, Janna, Mixednut, Hilly, Angel, Leanne, Geek, LA Daddy, Lucy, Jodi, Whit, Melanie, Jester, Blogarita, ADW, Amanda, Judy, Virginia, Marlee, Paticus, Laci, Who-sane, Mrs. RW, Helen, Flutter, Old old lady of the hills, Chatty, Sam, Nicole, y not i, Tiiana, Rik, Jacki, Yoshi, Liz, Ananke, Kellie, Diane, Mike, Bella, Soapbox Superstar, Jasmine, Lynda, Michael, Metalmom, Marilyn, Catherine, Amanda, Shelli, Steven, Jen, Tori, Danandwill, CP, Paz, Bec, Todd, Spicybug, Manic Witch, Jen, NotFaintHearted, Jo, Shutteredeye, Denise, Peggy, Erin, Sxymom, Strings, Quin, Azgreeneyes, TheBL, Blue Monkey Jammies, Hol, kat, Melony Louise, Anthony Jones, Neil, Adena, BlondeBlogger, Fogspinner, Suzy, Neoblupanther, Margalit, Suzi, Shina, Mooselet, Dutchbitch, CanadianSwiss, OldGuy, Birdie, LisaBinDaCity, Golfwidow, Boogiemum, Cosmic, Cindy, Geeky Tai-Tai, Absent Canadian, Frankie, Girl Dislocated, SJ, Sue, Howard, AnnieB, Jeff, LadyBug Crossing, Nancycle, Rache, HoosierGirl5, J., Michelle, The Scoot, Doctor Chip, Jenn, DaisyJo, Sassy, Amy, Franky, Niteowl, Lisa, Mrs. Fab, Rachel, Matthew James Didier, Janelle, Chica, Dawn, Elle, Andy, Snuz, Paula, Stacy, Robin J., Laurence, Karen, Brandon, Eva, Yvonne, Debkitty, Tana, Much More Than A Mom, Goran, Snapper, anon mom, Loon, Melanie, dvrchk, Newsbitch, Long Story Longer, Teebopop, Jessie Terwilliger, Kyra, Carmel Beauty, Robin, April, Psychobabble, Nancy, Canadianflake, Katrice, Angel, Ahna, Gidget Bones, Jules, Jenny, Taylor Blue, Dirty Bitch Society, Susan, Lisa, ANO, Mitzi Green, Michelle, Froggiewoogie, Shortie, Mom, Ordinary Shark, People in the Sun, Danny, Debbie Weinbel, Jenny, Mel, Stacy, IRV, Bethie, Brad K, Thebluestbutterfly, Maxime, chandramoon, Annie Drogynous, Nicotine Jones, Yoffi, Chickie, Melissa, Kimmyk, Wendy, Janda, Natalie, Helen, Vince, Laurie, Joe the Troll, Melissa, justme.jen, Travis, Traygamb, n0name28, angieb, Monique, lisalisabobisa, Larawannabe, Cristina, Oceanshaman, Philip, Cappy, T, Jason, Miss Misery, Turnbaby, notfearingchange, fantastagirl, shoeadict, CocoPrawn, Jo, Melissa, Silvara, Busy Mom, Angie, Jen, Rhea, Vanessa, Cazzie, abbagirl74, Jenny-up the hill, Bear Silber, Jenny, Catt, Rosana, Dawn, Christina, Steve, Mark, Tish, 3rdtimesacharm, Linda, Mod*mom, Julie, Beckie, wanna.b.slim, Julianne, Sue, Ev Nucci, Jessica, Bon, Janet aka Wondermom, Attila the Mom, Jasmine, Moosh in Indy, Peg, Elizabeth, coolbeans, Elaine, London Southern Belle, Suebob, Divalicious, Cheeky, Ellie, Jeff K, neverEZme, Tuesday, PJ, Shelly, TheMuttPrincess, Hot Coffee Girl, limpy99, sig, Ashley, Believer in Balance, Jolie, Christamatina, Sabina, Misunderstood, Jenn, marmitetoasty, Kelly aka Squirrel, Meril, Beca, Mr. K, George, Haley-O, Craze, Da Duck, maisha, mar, Michael Manning, Marie, Nicole, Rhianna, Loretta, Marisa, baseballmom, mom101, Polliwog, Jeanette, Kimberly, Katherine, passerby, Jennyjinx, Mrs. Fliphead, Amanda, Dawn, Kimberly, Jen, Looney, debangel, fidget, Lynda, Jen3, Lauren, Bob-kat, Monica DeGruchy, Sarah, Crys, Carrie, Renee, Jenna, Claire Daly, Pawpads, Curiositykiller, Crystal, Snuz, Jaime, N, Trisha W, Kingfisher, Theresa, Tony Brookes, Laurie, Big Mama, Michelle, Trundling Grunt, Shauna, bogup, Sandra, Devra Renner, Artemis, Jess, Little Miss Kylie, hotband, Kat in GA, Cat, Galloping, Heather, Dan, Shelly, Beverely, Charlie, J, Molly, nabbalicious, goteeman, Tabz, Ev Nucci, DirtCrashr, DW, Stephanie, Marlayna, Jacer, Let’s Pretend, Jurgen Nation, Pidgie, Susie, Rizlablue, Airah, Janelle, Dawsie, Dawn, Karen, Rachel, Doctor Mom, Katrina, Luka, Skeet, Trish, Justine Whitaker, Elleoz, and Zed.

So while you’re sitting there, wondering if “virtual” friendships can mean the same thing, be as giving, and be as fulfilling as “real life” friendships… allow me to assure you… they can.

In other news, while I would probably prefer to sleep this day of all days away with my head under the covers, I will be going to see the movie I have waited 23 years for.  I will be going to see The Transformers.  While I still make daily pilgrimages to the graveside, still look at photos, and watch the YouTube videos amongst other things, the world has moved on.  At some point I’ll need to start moving too.  I had the opportunity this past weekend to start, but didn’t do so well with it.  Hopefully today’s attempt will be a little better.