Today is the fifth month mark of losing DJ.  The truth is I’m twisted into knots on the inside over this day.  It seems like only yesterday we went to McDonalds… and yet at the same time it seems like years ago.  It is an odd sensation… soured by the knowledge of what must be done this week.  I know most people are thinking about Thanksgiving… and to be honest Halloween was much harder to get through than I thought it would be.  In a big way, it had caught me off guard… and so I am a little better prepared to handle tomorrow… or at least I think I am.

The other reason I am twisted into knots over this day, is it marks the moment where as per my family tradition, I must arrange for the grave marker placement and its inscription.  It had always been explained to me that this was done before the six month anniversary of passing to help bring closure by the end of the year.  For some reason, I highly doubt it will do that.  If anything it has caused me a great deal of stress… which piled onto all the other things going on with work, holidays, and with a heaping dish of drama… had me in a psychiatrists office today (I went with a friend… it wasn’t for me) quite honestly thinking about getting medicated into an oblivion.

What you may need to understand is my family has, for all intense purposes, specialized in death.  Where other families specialize in reunions, weddings, christenings, and happy occasions… mine relished that of grief.  Every visit with my grandmother revealed who was newly deceased or dying in the extended family tree all the way into the deep recesses of the Black Forest of Germany.  Our traditions governing a family funeral are strictly adhered to… with the male next of kin acting as pall bearers, the Prayer of the Departed recited in Latin, a trusted friend to watch the closing of the grave, and a stein of beer left on the table on the night of the burial.  All of this was done and arranged, mostly by my father who takes the macabre traditions extremely seriously.

What was left was the arrangement of the memorial masses on birthdays and the anniversary of their passing, tending to the grounds of the grave with flowers and winter blankets (made of flowers, not a real blanket), and the arrangements for the marker with accompanying epitaph.  All of this has also been done, with the exception of the marker.  It used to be that you could get the stone within 4-6 months in time for the year anniversary, but times have changed and so it needs to be done about a month earlier.

My father has placed his demand upon me to make the arrangements no later than Saturday.  While my father and I rarely see eye to eye… my mother has also injected the fact that this needs to be done… and made the appointment for us to go Saturday morning.  So I am left to ponder… the epitaph.

The Purpose of the Epitaph

Tombstone epitaphs are a reflection of one’s existence highlighting their personality traits or accomplishments in life. In some cases they may also tell the story of the circumstances that brought them to their death.

Even though tombstone epitaphs have varied over time one thing remains a constant. That is that epitaphs are a meaningful way to give respect to the deceased.

I have spent the better part of last week and most of this week pondering this.  I came up with a relatively long list which I then wittled down to these possibilities:

• Better out than in, he always said.  (from Shrek)

• Blessed are the children, for they shall be the peacemakers of the Lord ( Matthew 5:9 re-write)

• His was a man’s courage and a woman’s love (not sure… I heard that somewhere)

• When you walk through the valley of death you shall fear no evil; for he will be with you (Psalm 23:4 re-write… and probably considered blasphemous)

• Sleep undisturbed within the peaceful shrine, Till angels wake thee with a note like thine. (a pamphlet of suggested epitaphs)

• Son is the name of Joy on the lips of all parents ( The Crow re-write from Mother is the name of God on the lips of all children)

Writing has always been my strong point.  I have always communicated better in writing, expressed myself better in writing, and exhibited myself better in writing.  In this, I am at a complete loss…

Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions???