So last night I was accused of breaking The Man Code. That’s right… Man Code violator right here folks… line on up and see the one and only! No pushing, I’m here all week folks, really.
Obviously this will need some back story since I really haven’t made mention of the drama that has caused me to be a fugitive from the Man Police, so if you want to get down to the meat of the post just jump down to the end of this blockquote. If you want drama, get the popcorn, sit back, relax, and read on 
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I have four friends who also happen to be couples. The Steff, who is engaged to The Donkey and The Terrorist, who’s girlfriend we call Beaner. For those of you who do not realize, I have known The Donkey since he was 16 and The Terrorist since he was 13, some 12 or so years ago through the volunteering at The Hills when I was the Youth Corps Coordinator. The Steff I met in early 2004, and Beaner only this past year when she started seeing The Terrorist. Its no big secret, The Steff picked The Donkey up off of my MySpace profile in spring of 2006… hence confirming that MySpace is in fact E-V-I-L. Beaner got a job working where The Steff works since around August.
So now that the length and intricacies between who knows who and how, let’s move forward to Friday 2 weeks ago… I got a phone call from a hysterical Beaner as she walked up and down the avenue. Why was she hysterical? Because she felt that The Terrorist was treating her like a “second class citizen”. This is because he has remained friends with his ex-girlfriend that he broke up with 2 and a half years ago who he had dated for four years. She was sick and tired of it. Of course I asked her if she even spoke to him about it, she says that she tries to but she never seems to be able to find the words. So in order to stop her from wandering aimlessly as a hysterical wreck, I told her I was going to take her for ice cream. Yeah… I know… ice cream in November… what can I tell you? It was the first thing I thought of. While on my way to get her, she called him and he ended up picking her up and they worked out whatever it was that was causing the problem. No, she didn’t get ice cream that day but took a rain check for the next time she was a hysterical mess. She cashed in on it yesterday.
So it all started Thursday morning with a text from Beaner early in the morning that read Its only 0830 and I need a shot. A few texts later, and I was going to pick her up from work that night to hear the issues she was having again. So Thursday night I ran late from the funeral viewing, so The Donkey ends up picking her up and bringing her to the bar where I met them after to hear the issues. Once again, it was because The Terrorist went to a wedding with his ex-girlfriend and didn’t call her. She feels like she’s treated like a second class citizen and is sick and tired of it, blah blah blah. The Donkey and her commiserate with each other over their love woes, how they are playing the same role of second class citizen in their respective relationships, I agree that men suck in general and that she should not feel like a second class citizen, and offer creative suggestions to relieve herself of the anxiety pain that has descended upon her chest. Two and a half hours later we left the bar, and I figured that at sometime during the day, he would call her and hopefully they’d be able to hash it out.
At 2:00am she sends me a text message that I miss because… well… I was unconscious. I text her when I get up, and she wants to go for ice cream yesterday. So after the funeral and work was done, I went and picked her up for ice cream in November. She had a vanilla ice cream sundae with vanilla syrup, and I of course had a Banana Royal Sundae with the works… ‘cause if you’re going to eat ice cream in November you might as well do it right. So apparently they had a text conversation last night while he was out, and one of the lines was ”I will puck you up”. Go ahead and draw your own conclusions… because she did as did I. So we talked, and she cried. We ate ice cream, and she cried. We talked some more, and she cried some more. Then we went to the mall. I was hoping a little retail therapy would help… but it really didn’t. Her bottom line is she wants to feel like he cares, she wants to be #1 in his life the same way he is in hers, and that is why she is waiting for him to actually call.
So after I dropped her off… I went and had dinner with The Terrorist at a Spanish restaurant. Of course, the Beaner topic came up. He outlined his issues, being that she had promised not to make an issue out of him going places with his ex since they were still friends, that while she was pissed he didn’t call her he DID text her which she said would have been okay, and of course when I asked him about the ”I will puck you up” text… his U and I are on the same button number 3 because his keypad is set up as a QWERTY keyboard. He made a similar mistake on an earlier text with the word ”pueces” when it should have been ”pieces”. The only thing I pointed out to him and disagreed with him on was the fact that he does treat her like a second class citizen… although I felt he does it subconsciously.
The example I used was the old Vat of Acid analogy. If Beaner was on the left, and his ex on the right, and he could only save one of them from falling into a vat of hydrochloric acid that would surely kill them… which one would he save? Guess which one he chose… which leads us to the whole point of the post. I disagree with the fact that he denies treating her like a second class citizen and I disagree with the fact that he refuses to call her to clear the air, tell her about the number 3 on his phone, and basically work out the issue because he feels she should be calling him since she was the one who in his mind started it all.
Now since these accusations have been brought against me… by my friend KC of all people… I needed to know exactly where in the Man Code did I violate? To discover that… well… first one has to find the actual code. I found it here. I have copied it below the fold for all those too lazy to click (and because I wrote more than I thought I would in the backstory portion of this post)…
