I have to be honest, I’m really fortunate with the variety of patients I encounter. Whether it be former child television stars turned undomiciled moguls, planet devourers, or senior citizen ninjas… my job can be really interesting because of the people.

At times.

Every now and then though, there comes a patient that is both interesting and challenging to provide a service for. Usually it’s because of their personality or perhaps some sort of unique circumstance… but rarely is it for both those reasons. When things like that happen it can equate to our version of the perfect storm… where there we are in the eye, thinking we’re gonna make it… and then WHAM! That huge wave rolls over us and sets us back a few feet.

Sometimes… that wave has treads. Such is the case of a new patient we had yesterday, who I will call The General. The General is really nice enough, commanding an army of caretakers efficiently, directing with a flair which way to lift, prop, fluff, and cross to make their transport as comfortable as possible. The General‘s personality would be enough to make the experience interesting… but it’s what The General drives that makes the experience challenging…

Whoever thought it was good to give patients Sherman Tanks instead of Jazzy scooters needs to have their head examined. Really. Do you know how hard it is to get one of those into the back of an ambulance? Even with ramps, modifications, and some customization that I’m still not sure is legal… it was as simple as square object going into a round hole. Just not gonna happen after 45 minutes of trying.

After unsuccessfully getting yesterday’s transport off the ground, I asked The General if maybe they would want to drive over to the facility themselves. “I’ll drag race you if you want,” he replied with a smile as I accepted defeat and returned him to the fortress. I bet he would have… but The General would still need a driver’s license to head into the street… and he’s at least 3 years shy of that.

It’s okay though. This morning, like Douglas MacArthur, I will return to my own personal Phillipiness. I will take The General and his tank and I’ll be making it happen.

Nothing is impossible.

Not even moving a Sherman tank from one borough to another.

Impossible just takes a little longer.

Or in this case… 24 hours and a 55 gallon drum of Crisco.

Hoorah!