If you’re reading this, that means that the 2:00pm Sunday hour has passed. Understand that based on estimates Saturday morning, 2:00pm Sunday was what we referred to as Zero Hour… the hour where we had to be loaded and headed south aboard our ambulances in order to make the Louisiana/Texas border before Hurricane Gustav makes landfall. Admittedly, it really should have been noon to allow for the unforseen circumstances (like crushing a deer on I-81 in Virginia at 5:00am) that always seem to occur… but that would have required some actual thought about the whole thing. Maybe there would have been some planning too. Instead, there has been none of that… and if you are reading this we are not headed south aboard our ambulances.
I am not saying that ambulances aren’t heading down… when in fact the first wave from our region left out Thursday afternoon/night. The lessons Katrina taught were learned by FEMA, but more importantly by the local government who has declared a mandatory evacuation as of 8:00am this morning. Being billed as the “mother of all storms”, this is what I have been trained for. What I have stayed packed for. What I have been waiting for.
Yet here I am… not going.
Why you ask? The reasons I was given are numerous… “We don’t have enough qualified people.” (Bullshit.) “We don’t have enough manpower.” (Poor recruitment, interviewing, and retention issues have plagued the industry for years.) “The decrease in Medicare and the rising price of gas has sapped our financial reserves.” (Quite possible… but still I’ll call bullshit.) “We’ll go if we’re called, but not until then.” (Biggest bullshit line I heard… really.)
What it all boils down to, is corporate mongering. Working in the EMS private sector can be looked down upon by a number of my peers who prefer the easy stability of a municipal paycheck. I often hear from people who don’t realize that there is such as thing as private EMS. They don’t realize that their tax dollars don’t provide all the emergency care their area needs, but I can’t fault them on their ignorance because we are our own worst enemy when it comes to publicity. I’ve always been able to justify continuing in it because of the vast amount and variety of experiences I have had and the good that has been done for the people I’ve been able to assist who otherwise might not have been helped at all. That justification has ended in this moment.
It ended when the boss of my boss’s boss decided to put profit over what this industry, and specifically the company I work for, has grown on… sacrifice.
The physical sacrifice that we make day in and day out moving patients that no one else is willing to. The emotional sacrifice that we make in being strong for people when they are at their weakest, and disabling us from being able to be strong for those closest to us. The ultimate sacrifice that others, such as Yum, have made in an effort to save another life. Those sacrifices have been smeared by his decision to NOT EVEN ASK us to sacrifice again. I know there is enough of us willing to put together a 20 truck convoy, willing even to do it using our vacation time, but we have not been afforded the opportunity to do so, thanks to the bottom lines of corporate mongers.
So now I am once again at a crossroads. A little over a year ago I decided that I didn’t really want to be in this line of business anymore, because in the end it has taken from me more than it has given me… but I held out hope. I held out hope for one more time of doing something that I can honestly look back on and say, “We definitely made a difference.” I held out hope for one more time like 3 years ago…
That opportunity has come, and it looks like the difference will be made… but not by me or mine.
And it’s gnawing away at me from the inside out.
Damn the man. Save the Empire.
