I believe in aliens. No, not aliens as in the little Mexicans from south of the border who come up to work in our Taco Bells. Nor do I mean those pesky Canadians from north of the border who come down to complain about the Mexicans working in Taco Bell, eh. I mean real, live, aliens as in “little green men”. You know, the ones who hang out at Area 51.
When I was younger I used to have dreams of aliens visiting me in my room. They would clamor on the rooftop. I would be frozen in my bed. Literally unable to move or make a sound. The clamoring would eventually lead to one of them opening a door, and then I would wake up screaming. It was hard for me to explain the dream to my parents, since I didn’t know what they were… that is until I saw Close Encounters of the Third Kind. That really opened my eyes up.
Of course through the years I’ve seen all sorts of alien documentaries, read alien books (like Communion… that Whitley Strieber… what a freak), and of course seen a whole lot of alien movies. Now if you think this is leading up to me talking about the aliens probing me in VERY uncomfortable places… like the back of a Volkswagen… then you’re in for some serious disappointment. See… all this alien infatuation has led me to seriously considering getting this little gem…
Look at this beauty! Yes… this is an Alien Love Doll!!! Sure her skin color isn’t that of the Grays or Blues… but rather of the Violets. That nice soft puckering mouth, in the perfect “O” position already… and if there’s any anal probing to be done… well let’s just say I won’t be the probee! Best of all, in the finest tradition of Total Recall, she has three supple breasts for nursing all the cross-breeds we’d have!!!
So why do I want this? Purely therapeutic reasons. I still have alien dreams every now and then. So I figure… if I can make some good lovin’ to the aliens… then instead of these dreams where they break in and scare me… well… I can have some alienrotic action going on instead. I tend to think it will put me in a better mood when those dreams happen. I’m a lover. Not a prober. Or a probee for that matter. I think the therapeutic benefits to having an Alien Love Doll far outweigh its freakish nature.
Right?
Is anyone still reading?
I still haven’t even talked about the free Alien Lube that she comes with yet! (Or maybe that should be… cums… mmmmm...) I wonder if it’s green?
Do you want to know what the best part of the whole thing is? As an Amazon Prime Member, I get free two-day shipping… and sure enough… my Alien Love Doll is listed on Amazon. I know, she isn’t in stock… so I just added her to my wishlist.
I wonder what my mom will say when she goes through it next month?
Thanks to Copyranter for this nice find.
In case you may not subscribe to the most important feed in the world… or if your iTunes isn’t subscribed to the most important podcast in the world… then you should know that there is a new Cereal Wednesday. This week I delve into a fruity offshoot of America’s favorite oat cereal… Fruity Cheerios. While it is a rather lengthy episode… I think it’s a good one. Particularly the bumper in the middle that totally covered up the unintentional interruption that occurred… and no… it wasn’t aliens. It was only my father who apparently cannot read the sign on the door that says, ”DO NOT DISTURB: CEREAL CONSUMPTION IN PROGRESS”. Really… what is going on with the elderly of today? Have they suddenly forgotten the meaning of words? Anyway… it’s a good episode… so go check it out… and subscribe damn it!
Close it Up
